Page 30 of The Storyteller of Krakow

Zosia was my one friend. With her I could be sharp-tongued and still be loved for it. I could be tired and not be told I was weak. The idea of her being pulled into Janek’s orbit further, of her laughter becoming something he could summon with a wink and a pat on the arm, made my stomach clench.

But there was worry underneath it too. Zosia was fragile, not in the way Janek meant when he said it about me, she wasn’t made of glass, nor was I, but in the way people become fragile when they’ve been broken and glued back together too many times. She wanted to believe in kindness. She wanted to believe that a hand held out was simply a hand held out, not a hook. I thought of what Janek had just said to me, all that talk about bears’ paws and keeping us safe, and wondered what he was doing now, marching straight to her like a man collecting gratitude. Was he changing targets because I’d finally snapped? Was this another way of keeping me where he wanted me: alone?

I walked after him in the end, not close enough to be seen as following, but close enough to hear voices through the open window of the infirmary.

‘You shouldn’t be doing extra,’ Janek was saying, his tone gentle, all the hard edges sanded down. ‘If you keep taking on other people’s shifts, you’ll wear yourself out, and when I come to see you, you’ll be falling asleep on your feet!’

Zosia gave a small laugh. ‘I like the work,’ she said.

‘I’m not saying not to work and not to like it – I’m just saying when I come to see you, it would be nice if you weren’t always yawing and looking at patients’ charts.’

I stepped into view then, letting my boots scrape on purpose so neither of them could pretend I’d been skulking.

‘Lena.’ Zosia grinned at me. ‘Janek’s getting all worked up about me being tired all the time.’

‘It’s just work, Janek,’ I said. ‘She can do as she likes.’

He gave me a strange look, then turned his back to me and focused on Zosia.

‘I’ve brought you some things, come with me and sit a while at least?’

‘And Lena?’ Zosia said, but Janek’s body was blocking me from seeing her face as he spoke next.

‘She’s busy. Working. Always too busy. Come and see what I’ve brought for you, my little Zosia,’ he said.

Zosia then stepped aside and looked at me, then back at Janek. I wanted to grab her hand and pull her back out into the open air, away from Janek’s careful voice and his quiet authority. Instead, I stood there and did something I hated: nothing.

I watched Janek cradle Zosia’s elbow and lead her out of the infirmary, listened as he talked over her goodbye to me, just stood there and tried to understand what was happening – was he taking Zosia from me as punishment, or did he want her too? What was his game?

11

JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2014, KRAKÓW

Willa Nadziej (Hope Villa residential home)

‘Ah-hem.’ Kasia stood in the doorway, her arms folded. ‘I think that’s enough for today,’ she said, a slight edge to her voice.

It was then I realised she must have heard me talk of Janek, of things and feelings that a small girl should not yet know about as she couldn’t possibly understand them – men, their games, their ways with women. I was supposed to be telling her a story of a bear, and yet I had got caught up in the past – all of it – and it was hard just to tell snippets of the bear when there was so much more besides.

‘I’m sorry, Kasia,’ I said. ‘I don’t know what you heard but⁠—’

She waved a hand. ‘I didn’t hear anything too bad,’ she said. ‘But maybe next time, talk only about the bear, yes?’

I nodded, chided. Yet secretly happy that she had said there would be a next time.

‘Thank you, Lena,’ Hana said, rising from her chair to go to her mother. She looked at me, at her mother, as if unsure of herself.

Then, she stepped towards me and gave me a brief hug, then scurried to her mother.

‘I’ll see you soon, yes?’ I said, more to get Kasia to approve a new time for our next chat, but all I got was a brief nod off Kasia, and a grin from Hana.

As soon as they left, I sat in the chair that Hana had vacated and prodded through my feelings after telling the story I had. How did I feel speaking about Janek and Zosia again, and actually saying their names out loud? I wasn’t sure.

Why now? I wondered. Why did I want to revisit all this now? Was it the fact that time was racing towards the end, or was it the face of Hana’s bear?

I shook my head and let out a sigh. It didn’t really matter, did it, the reason? It was here, and Hana was going to hear my stories. I suppose someone had to.

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