Page 47 of Specter Bred

"That's not what I meant."

"Maybe not. But that's exactly how I'd take it."

I stood and grabbed another plate.

"I don't need him protecting me," I muttered. "What I need is for him to judge me by the same standards as everyone else."

Hayes opened his mouth.

I cut him off.

"And if I fail? Fine. Then I fucking fail."

The words came out harsher than I intended.

"But it'll be because I wasn't good enough. Not because somebody decided they knew what was best for me. Not because somebody thought they were saving me. And definitely not because some overgrown asshole alpha couldn't handle the possibility of losing another teammate."

Hayes was quiet for a long moment.

Then he sighed.

"Yeah."

I blinked.

"Yeah?"

"That was a much better argument than the one I had."

Despite myself, I laughed, then grabbed the nearest towel and threw it at his head.

◆◆◆

After Hayes provided me with his vivid and wildly imaginative version of events, I couldn't stop thinking about it. All night, I tossed and turned, giving the theory far more consideration than it deserved.

There was no universe in which Major Nolan Graves cared about me. And even if, by some miracle, Hayes was right, it wouldn't change anything.

Intent didn't matter.

Results did.

Whether that meant driving a wedge between me and the only person on base who didn't treat me like an outsider, pushing me to my limits during every training exercise, or constantly reminding me that, in his eyes, I was a liability waiting to happen.

The why didn't matter.

Graves wanted me gone.

Still, if there was even a grain of truth to Hayes's theory, understanding how Graves thought might be useful. Not because I cared about his opinion, but because I needed to figure out how to convince him to ease up on me.

Making it through ASOG training wasn't enough. In order to become a Specter, you needed to be selected too. At the end of training, the instructors would handpick the recruits they wanted to join their units. If no one chose you, your Specter career ended before it ever began.

I was under no illusions about where I stood with Graves. There wasn't a snowball's chance in hell I'd end up on Team Grizzly. So that left Alvarez and Cutter. They were my only realistic shot at becoming a Specter.

The problem was that impressing either of them was nearly impossible when Graves seemed determined to make every evaluation twice as hard for me.

While Graves judged the other recruits on whether they could meet his requirements, I constantly felt like I was being judged on whether I could exceed them.

And the worst part?