Page 54 of Rockland

Rockland

Then I remember our conversation on the phone. Since I left, I would call her every Sunday night, her time. Sometimes she would answer, others she wouldn’t. Whenever I spoke to her, I’d asked her if she’d read the letter. And she’d said no. Perhaps she never had.

I peek in her door. The doctor gives me a stern look. One of the Beauties playing nurse whispers an apology as she closes it. I can’t stand in this hallway all day—I’ll just get in the way. I’ve got to stay sane until I can be with her again. I’ll do the only thing that’s kept me functioning thus far, in her absence. I’ll go back to work. I stroll out to the veranda to find John. It’s time to seal the deal we’ve been working on.

8

Rockland

A few hours later, Adamos comes for me. I’m having wine and cheese on the veranda with a few of the brothers sent to keep me occupied. I stand quickly, eager for news. He says, “She’s stable. Doing very well. Other than a little headache and a small scar on her forehead that she’ll carry with her for the rest of her life, she’s in perfect health. She’s asking for you.”

I hold myself back from a sprint, jogging down the long hall. When I arrive in her room, I’m struck by how tiny and pale she looks settled amongst the feather pillows, a bandage wrapped around her head.

“Oh, Tessie,” I murmur, rushing to her side. I pull a chair up to her bedside, take a seat. I grab her hand, holding it in both of mine.

It’s trembling.

“Rockland, I’ve asked the others to leave… I need to speak with you. Alone.”

I kneel by her side. “Of course. Anything.” My love.

I press her hand into my palm. Steadying her. She takes a deep breath. Locks eyes on mine. “Rockland, I have a confession.” Her bottom lip begins to tremble, glassy pools form in her eyes.

“Sweetheart. It’s okay. Everything will be okay.” I stroke her hand, her arm, her soft cheek.

“I didn’t read your note. And I guess if I would have it would have stopped me from doing such a foolish thing. God—I’m so embarrassed! A man as handsome and loving and sexy and… of course you have a woman! And if I would have just read your stupid goodbye note, I would have known that and not flown my stupid ass across the world to tell you⁠—”

“Wait. Tess. The woman you saw me with⁠—”

She hold a trembling hand up. There’s dots of perspiration forming on her face. My heart beats faster, worried I’ve upset her. Fearful the doctor will come and remove me from the room, I bite my tongue. She says, “Please don’t interrupt me. I have to say this.”

“You have my undivided attention.” I dry the sweat from her face.

She continues, “You don’t have to explain. You’re a free man with the right to live your real life. Here. With your people. I see how happy you are. How happy… she makes you.” And with that, the dam bursts and the tears flow from her eyes like a rushing river. Sobs rack her body and her shoulders shake.

I’m in shock. I’ve no idea how we’ve gotten to this place of terrible miscommunication. I want to grab her in my arms, hold her. But fear of causing her injury or further distress stops me. I don’t know what to do so I blurt out my own confession, “Tess, I’m in love with you.”

Through the veil of her tears it’s as if she’s not heard me. She sobs, “I know, I know. I know you love her. I could see it on your face.”

“Of course I love her, she’s my⁠—”

“Everything! I know. She’s so beautiful and perfect and⁠—”

I grab her hands in mine and squeeze. “She’s the best damn family any man could ask for.” Finally, she hears me. Her damp face turns to me, her words sticking in her throat, her eyes wide. “Yes, Tess. The woman you saw me with is my kid cousin, Adrianna. This place is crawling with my cousins. And had you read my note, like I asked you to, you would have known that it was not a goodbye. It was a love letter. Telling you if you ever wanted me, I would be waiting. That I would wait forever if it took that long.”

“But… I assumed, I thought… I didn’t read it because I was so scared it was a goodbye. That you cared for me, but you knew you were going back home and that anything we had was… over.”

“Sweetheart—we’ve only just begun.”

I lean down. Inhale the scent that is Tess. Stroke those fiery locks back and softly kiss her lips. “I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

Tess

I know I heard him say he loves me but it’s not sinking in. My head feels foggy. My eyes are sore from crying.

I belong in the Village.

And after coming here, seeing him in his element, I know he belongs here. I would never take him from his people. Or make him sacrifice them for me. I barely know what I’m saying but I let the words flow from my heart. I whisper the words, “It will never work.”