Page 110 of A Courage of the Chosen

“This is stupid,” I say into his mind when my eyes land on Cal’s.

“Your protection isn’t stupid. I’d rather be slowed down if it meant more swords to defend you,” he replies.

With a heaved sigh, I relent. “Fine. But only ten. And they need to be prepared to ride hard.”

“I’ll select them myself,” Hector assures us.

There’s not much more to discuss after that, everything is set in motion, and supplies are regularly being sent out through the combined efforts of Lady Calder and Lord Sellar, who still won’t attend these sessions unless I command him to do so. Which I’m reluctant to do. The training of the armies is progressing better than we thought, too. The attacks on farming villages have slowed, and the concerns we had about our reserves have lessened.

We are officially ready for war.

Hopefully, whatever we find in Ruival will be the final piece of the puzzle in defeating the Dorche, once and for all.

Hume and Lady Navin’s trials will be happening while we’re away. I have no interest in being present for it since I expect Hume to spit profanities about me, but Reyne will keep them in check. I have to trust the law that governs these lands will come to the right conclusion, and both of them will be suitably punished.

The council file out obediently after I’ve dismissed them, wishing me luck on my journey and committing to protecting the people while I’m gone.

Yeah, just like they’ve done for the last century, I snark internally.

Maybe I’m about to start my period, but the comment irritates me. They’ve protected themselves above all else, and it’s only because we’ve forced them to act that they’ve actually done anything useful.

Grandpa is waiting for us in the throne room when we finish for the day.

“I heard about what happened,” he says solemnly, tugging me to his side as Reyne and Callahan give us some space.

“He did it to get to me.”

“It’s not on you, sweetheart.” He gives voice to the doubt that’s hounded me since I was given that letter. Those people died because I pushed back. “But I know you won’t hear that. You’re too much like your grandmother.”

Resting my head on his shoulder, I let the burden of it drag me down for a brief second.

Lately it feels as though I’m swimming against the current with blocks tied to my feet, ready to suck me into murky depths if I stop fighting to stay afloat.

“We’re going to Ruival,” I tell him.

Grandpa freezes, his body locking tight where I’m leaning into him.

“What?”

“Granny said there are answers there. We need to go.”

He slips his arm away and moves to stand in front of me. “I’m coming with you.”

“Gramps, no. It’s dangerous.”

“Exactly,” he scowls, looking more like a warrior than I’ve ever seen. “I’m not that frail old man you left back home, Elsie. And the last time you went that far north, I almost lost you.”

“Grandpa . . . I get it, I really do. But please, stay here. I need you to be safe. I-I can’t lose you, too.” I lay the vulnerability at his feet.

He scans my face for a breath, then two. “I can’t lose you either, sweetheart. You’re my whole world.”

It makes me feel like a child again, riding on the shoulders of the best man she knew before age got the better of him, or at least his illusion of it.

I’m about to plead with him a final time, but he beats me to it. “I’ll stay, but the next time you ride out to face danger, I won’t be left behind. I can fight just as well as any of you.”

He drops a kiss to my forehead and leaves quickly, the image of him bloodied and broken on a battlefield following his steps.

Reyne walks with me and Callahan as we find Erin, to let her know we’re leaving for a little while in the morning, and I tell them what Grandpa said about being left behind. “To be fair to him, I hate that I’m not coming with you. I can’t imagine how he feels.”