Page 32 of While I’m Still Here

“She doesn't have a face.”

“Exactly. Arrogant.”

This time he does laugh, and I realise I don't mind. I actually prefer it because I know I’m being completely unreasonable. But also, if Colin starts looking solemn every time the word cancer appears, I might have to murder him before my tit gets the opportunity to murder me.

We continue.

My next appointment is written on the sheet Claire tucked into the front of the folder. Apparently yesterday's diagnosis was merely the opening act. Now we have to find out exactly what flavour of murderous bastard I'm harbouring and what they're going to do about it. I read the appointment sheet twice, then a third time. “Do you think I need a notebook?”

Colin glances at the collection of papers spread across the table. “For what?”

“Questions.”

“You own approximately seventy notebooks.”

“Those are nice notebooks.”

“And?”

“You can't put cancer in a nice notebook.”

He considers this with the seriousness it deserves. “Tesco?”

“Tesco.”

“We'll get an ugly one.”

“Thank you.”

Colin takes out his phone, and I watch his thumb move across the screen for a few seconds before suspicion kicks in.

“What are you doing?”

“Putting your appointment in my calendar.”

The answer comes so casually that it takes me a second to process it.

“You don't have to come.”

“I know.”

“You have work.”

“I know.”

“I can go by myself.”

His thumb stops moving. Colin lifts his eyes to mine. “I know you can, but you aren’t going to. Now, you can take your almost boyfriend, or your mother.”

“I haven’t even told my mother yet. You know what she’s like, and I wouldn’t be able to handle the wailing that would come from her,” I argue back. “If I really have to have someone, then I guess you can come.”

Colin finishes adding the appointment. “Okay. Thank you.”

* * *

There is one thing left to do before I can pretend to be a normal person and go to work. Unfortunately, I would rather undergo another biopsy. I stare at the name on my phone.

MUM.