Page 19 of The Stolen Child

‘It’s not just me who finds the photographs upsetting. Tell him,’ her mother demanded of Lily, pulling her to her side.

‘That’s not true!’ her dad responded. ‘Tell her, Lily.’

Michael and her parents looked over to her, waiting for a response.

Lily wanted to run back upstairs to Ben’s nursery, sit on the rocking chair and close her eyes to pretend all was okay. But she knew that she had to be honest.

‘I tried to tell you this last week, Dad. I find the photographs difficult to look at too.’ Lily took a deep breath and looked at her parents one by one. ‘And, while we’re on this subject, I think it’s time we let Robert go. Let him rest in peace.’

A stunned silence descended into the room. Because Lily had broken a cardinal Murphy rule. Nobody was allowed to say out loud what they all must have thought privately hundreds of times – that Robert was dead.

Her dad was the first to respond, his face flushed with anger. ‘Why would you say that?’ His voice raised, and he almost shouted, ‘You all think I’m crazy! Don’t you? But from where I’m standing, it’s you who are crazy.’

Michael once again placed a hand on his father-in-law’s shoulder, but this time in warning. ‘You’ll wake Ben. Remember, it’s his birthday. Let’s not ruin his day.’

The anger dissipated from her father’s face. ‘I’ll let myself out.’ With one last look of regret at each of them, he left the house, softly closing the front door behind him.

‘I’m worried about him,’ Lily said, sinking to the sofa.

‘He needs to speak to a professional. Get some support,’ Michael agreed. ‘He’s a man on the brink.’

‘You don’t understand,’ her mother muttered, almost to herself.

‘What don’t we understand?’ Michael asked.

Her mother joined Lily on the sofa, pulling a cushion into her lap, embracing it like a child. ‘You said we should let Robert go Lily. But, the thing is, guilt never allows you to let go.’

‘But it wasn’t your fault. Or Dad’s,’ Lily said firmly.

‘What if it was?’ her mother asked in a whisper.

Lily’s breath quickened. ‘What do you mean by that?’ She’d had enough of tip-toeing around this subject.

‘I can’t . . .’ Her mother began, then stopped mid-sentence.

‘Yes, you bloody can. You will not clamp up and leave me with more unanswered questions. Tell me.’

‘I ask myself every day what we could have done differently,’ her mum whispered.

‘You took a sleeping pill like millions do every night. Dad had a drink. Ditto. You can’t keep blaming yourself.’

‘I’m not talking about any of that!’ her mum replied loudly, her nostrils flaring.

Lily’s mouth dried up. She swallowed, wetting her lips with her tongue. ‘What do you mean then, Mum?’

Fear filled her mother’s face, and she began to rock back and forth, clasping the pillow between her arms.

‘Mum!’ Lily cried, looking at her mother in horror. ‘What did you do?’

Time stretched between them. The air felt dense with tension as Lily watched her mother’s face twitch in pain.

‘I didn’t do anything! That’s the problem. I knew that something bad was going to happen, but I did nothing!’ Her mother slumped further into the sofa. ‘I should have taken the children and run. I’ll never forgive myself that I didn’t do that.’

Lily looked over at Michael, who seemed as baffled by her mother’s words as she was. ‘You are not making any sense, Mum.’

Her mother placed her hands over her face, and when she took them down a moment later she’d composed herself. ‘That will teach me to have a glass of wine. Makes me neurotic. Ignore me. I was overwrought. Talking nonsense.’

Then she stood up and with a quick goodbye walked out, leaving Lily more confused than ever before.