Page 59 of Summer Affair

She realized in her heart that she loved Dean, and that was the main reason that she had to let him go. The irony of it all was almost too much to bear. She’d never loved a man before. Never loved anyone before.

The room seemed to close in around her, the walls pressing in on her grief. She hugged herself tightly, as if trying to hold the broken pieces together. The certainty of her decision was a bitter pill to swallow, but she knew it was the right thing to do. Dean would understand eventually. He had to.

As the colors of the sunset faded into the encroaching night, she felt her resolve harden. She had to set him free, even if it meant losing the only person in her life who had made her feel whole.

Her mind drifted back to the miscarriage that she’d had in high school all those years ago. The pain and loss had been unbearable then, and it felt even more acute now. Her sister’s pregnancy added salt to the wound, a constant reminder of what she would never have. Even though she knew deep down she would love her niece or nephew completely, it was all too much.

She walked into the bathroom and stood under the cool spray in her shower until her mind turned foggy again. Then she crawled back into bed and covered her head with her blankets and slept like the dead.

When Dean called the next morning, she ignored it. She couldn’t face him, not yet. Instead, she headed down to the beach to watch the sunrise, leaving her cell phone inside the house so she wouldn’t be tempted to answer his calls or text messages.

The sight of the sun rising over the water was usually a source of peace for her, but today it did little to lift her spirits. She sat in the soft white sand, hugging her knees to her chest, and let the tears flow freely. There were only a few people out at this time. A man passed by her with a Turtle Watch shirt on, and she watched him stop and check a few turtle tracks and snap a photo with his phone before continuing on down the beach.

She’d volunteered a few years back for the Turtle Watch herself, hunting at the break of dawn for tracks that led to nests, which would be protected until the eggs hatched.

It seemed the man had spotted a false nesting site. If it had been a real nest, he would have set a few flags out to mark the spot and called for crews to put up a barrier to protect the precious eggs buried in the sand.

The false nesting site was a reminder to her brain that her entire body was a false nesting site. It was almost as if everything in life was reminding her of how damaged her body was. Even the beauty of the sunrise felt like a mockery of her pain.

She sat in the sand, sulking, until the heat of the day caused her to return home. She was surprised to see Dean waiting for her on the back deck, watching her. How long had he been sitting there?

He stood up as she approached, a concerned look on his face. He held out a cup of coffee and motioned to a box of donuts sitting on the table.

“I thought you might need these,” he said softly.

Andrea took the coffee and downed a sip. “Thanks,” she murmured, avoiding his eyes as she sat down across from him.

“How are you doing?” he asked, his voice gentle yet filled with concern. She nodded as a reply, unable to find her voice. “Since you didn’t answer my calls, I figured I’d come over. I was worried.”

Her heart ached at his words. She couldn’t string him along. It would be torturous to break things off, but now was just as good a time as any. Taking a deep breath, she tried to steady herself. “Dean, we need to talk.”

He looked at her, worry etched into his features. “Okay. What’s wrong?”

She hesitated, the words caught in her throat. She felt like she was about to shatter. “I…I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

His expression shifted from worry to shock. “What? Why? Is this about…what happened?”

“I can’t have children. There’s no point in us being together. I’m damaged goods.” Her voice hitched slightly, the admission tearing at her.

He leaned closer, taking her hands in his, his touch warm and reassuring. “You are not damaged goods. I care about you. I don’t give a damn if you can’t physically have children. We can get through this together.”

She shook her head, not really hearing what he was saying as she pulled her hands away, even though it felt like tearing a part of herself off.

“No, I can’t do this. I need to figure out my future on my own.” She fought back the tears.

“Please, don’t shut me out. Let me help you,” he countered, his voice pleading, eyes filled with determination.

The pain in his voice broke her heart, but she steeled herself, knowing she had to protect him so he could still have the life she could no longer give him.

“I’m sorry. I really need to be alone for now.” She took a deep breath.

His gaze locked onto hers, searching for any sign of hope.

“If that’s what you want.” He took her hands gently in his. “This is shit timing, I know, but I love you, Andrea.” Her heart broke a little more. “And whatever happens, just know that this doesn’t change that fact.”

Tears welled up in her eyes as she fought to maintain her composure.

“I can’t give you a family. You deserve someone who can.” She sobbed softly.