Page 97 of Diamonds in the Mud

Randy was there, sitting right outside of the locker room, waiting for me. The hug he gave me had more tears rolling down my cheeks.

“We aren’t going to tell your mother about this. She’d kill us both and make you retire with me,” he said softly.

I laughed and agreed. “Right. I love you, Dad,” I said during the hug.

“My girl.” He sighed. “I’m sorry about… Quincy.” I nodded and swallowed. “I know you two broke things off. Still…”

“Still.” I sighed.

“Jameson, he’s a good one. Down to the core.” He smiled at me.

“Yeah.” I smiled back. “I think he’s the one.” I glanced around and saw him talking to one of the other agents.

“I’m going to have a mess around here. Until then, you’ve still got lead on things. Until you’re one hundred percent sure whether Quincy had anything to do with the deaths, I expect you to work the case,” he said, and I smiled and lifted my chin slightly as I nodded. “That’s my girl.” He hugged me again. “Take the rest of the day.” When I opened my mouth, he narrowed his eyes. “That’s an order.”

I chuckled. “I love you, Dad.”

He smiled and leaned in to brush a kiss over my cheek. “Love you too, sweetie.”

“I’ll see you in a few hours,” Jameson said to me. “Will you be at your place?”

I nodded. “I’ll be there. I’ve been kicked out of here for the day.”

“I’ll fill you in then.” He took my hand.

I nodded again and then reached up on my toes and kissed him. “Later.”

Driving back home, I was in a daze. I tried to stop what had just happened from running through my mind.

When I got home, I took another very long hot shower, scrubbing my hair and body until my skin was red and my hair was squeaky clean.

I dressed in yoga pants and waited for Jameson to arrive. I ate a handful of saltine crackers, afraid that if I ate anything more, I’d lose it again. I sat in my living room in a daze.

My mother called and chatted with me like it was a normal day. She’d heard some of the basics about what had happened down at the station, but I knew that Dad would make sure that everyone kept the gory details from her.

I tried to act as if nothing bad had happened and when she asked if something was wrong, I faked having a headache and got off the phone. Then I continued to stare out my windows, waiting for Jameson to arrive. Hardly blinking. Hardly breathing. My mind raced.

Shortly before sunset, Jameson showed up with a bag of fast food from one of the chicken places between here and the police station. He looked tired and yet relieved to see me.

After I let him inside, he set the food down and wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight for the longest time.

“My god,” he said, several times. “I thought… I’ve never been so afraid before.”

I closed my eyes, melting into his hold. I wanted—needed—to feel like I’d survived for a reason. What I had with Jameson was far more than anything I’d experienced with Quincy. “Jameson, I need you. I need to feel alive,” I said, looking deep into his eyes. “I need to know this is real.” I shook my head as my throat closed. “Please.”

His kiss was the answer to everything I’d needed to know since the events of that morning. My mind instantly settled and was free of all the worry, the fears I’d been wrestling with endlessly for hours.

When he lifted me up in his arms and carried me back to the bedroom, I knew that my words, my simple I love you, weren’t enough to express how I felt for him. It could never be enough.

As we slowly peeled off our clothes and came together, there was no doubt that what was between us was the real deal. Jameson was part of my soul. He would always have my heart.

I felt him move inside me as I desperately held onto him, wrapped my body around his, and those actions said more than words ever could. Here, lying together in the darkness, this was the strongest love that we could show one another.

Later, when we were still, his arms wrapped around me, my head resting on his shoulder while he stroked my hair, he whispered those words again.

“I love you.” He shifted to look down at me. “I’ve never said those words before.”

“I love you.” I smiled up at him, his face barely visible in the darkness. “I haven’t said them either.”