Page 123 of The Addict

“You’re not telling anyone, do you hear me? You can’t tell anyone!” I yelled.

Silas choked on his next words, but the fire in his stare remained, threatening to take action. Action that I knew would cause all hell to break loose. My whole family’s reputation might be ruined.

Because of me.

“Promise,” I begged, my anger melting into panic. I clutched onto his arms. “Promise me, you won’t tell anyone!”

“No one protected you...” Silas muttered to himself. His eyes were shifting. Thinking.

Calculating.

“It’s over, Silas,” I insisted, as though that made the truth less horrible. My hands shot to his face, roughly forcing him to meet my gaze. I had to break him out of whatever idea he was concocting. “And there is nothing that you can do to help me, except keep your mouth shut.”

Silas grounded his teeth together, saying nothing. I had no idea if he was agreeing to my pleas by starting the act of silence now, or if he was just too angry to say anything at all. I hoped to God it was the first one.

“You won’t tell.” My aggressive tone returned, but it was only a matter of time before Silas recognized it as desperation.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t,” he challenged.

My hands slid from his face to his shoulders, grasping them tightly. I leaned in closely so he could see my fear. I wanted him to feel my plea from within, to witness my absolute destruction before his very eyes if he exposed this.

I held his gaze prisoner with my own. “Because I’m asking you not to,” I breathed.

I was wrong before. Silas hadn’t seen me at my worst until now. Sharing this secret, and worse, asking him to keep it with me, had me more vulnerable than when I laid bare beneath him, when he reduced me to nothing with his body. This was the real me, scars and all.

And God, I was so terrified of showing it.

Silas frowned and broke the connection of our eyes. Silence overcame us both once again.

“Please,” I whimpered, feeling sick. I was prepared to do anything to ensure his secrecy. I would rewind time if I could, tell myself to shut the fuck up and suffer in silence. My fingers worked their way to his chest, feeling the rapid rise and fall of his breathing. He watched as I trailed my touch down his tie, tugging it slightly. I brought him forward until our noses brushed.

The air shifted between us. Heat.

“I’ll do anything,” I whispered, and I meant it.

He knew.

Silas’s hands grasped my hips tightly. “Do you even understand how badly I crave you? You’re in my mind. Every fucking minute of every day. I hate that I need you.”

His words pierced me like knives.

“And you’re asking me,” his jaw tensed, “you’re begging me, to just pretend like I don’t know that someone has hurt you, so brutally? To return to life like normal while you stay under his roof?”

My lips quivered. “Yes.”

Silas let go of an unnatural sound, aiming to pull out of my grasp. “I can’t fucking do that, Noah! You can’t expect me to–”

My hands shot to his face, holding him steady. “You have to, Silas. Please. For me. If for no other reason, then do this for me.”

We were both frozen in that position for a long time, eyes dancing. Pain or not, I decided, if he wanted me, he could have me. He craved me? He could take his fill. I wanted to forget the whole conversation, to push the pain and the embarrassment of this moment away. There was no better way to do that, then to submerge myself in pleasure.

All of a sudden, Silas shrugged my hands away with a shift of his torso.

“I’m going home,” he stated, unwilling to look at me anymore.

“What?” I uttered with a scoff, my hands lowering to my sides in slow motion. For the first time in my life, I felt what I assumed to be the sharp pang of rejection. I couldn’t even hide my emotions anymore. I was sure the scorn covered my face. “Can’t stand the sight of me, or something?”

Silas stopped mid stride to the window. He pressed his fingers into his temples. “Noah, that’s not it at all.”