Page 170 of Plug and Drain

He hadn’t allowed himself to feel blind rage like that in a very long time. He hadn’t even felt it after Clara’s death. Only denial, grief, and eventually acceptance.

But Arken’s entire being had burnt with rage as he carried Susie’s limp form through the corridors.

Her pack had hounded him, demanding to know what had happened. Arken had been in too much shock to speak. Nathaniel had fielded the questions in a dismissive tone. Someone called Harry had given Arken an earful and shoved Nathaniel.

Arken hadn’t registered a single word. He was drowning in guilt, placing one foot in front of the other. He hadn’t stopped until Susie was safe and hidden in his bedroom.

Waiting for her to wake up had been torture. He’d held her hand, stroking it to reassure himself as nightmarish possibilities presented themselves over and over, each more convincing than the last.

What if she’ll never walk again?

What if she’ll never be happy?

What if she never smiles again?

He didn’t wonder if she would ever forgive him. They were beyond that now.

The quietness of the room stretched endlessly. He tried to rehearse what he would say to her if she were to wake now and came up with nothing. There was no way for him to explain what had happened…or why it had happened…without it sounding like a pitiful excuse.

Maybe, it was best for everyone if he didn’t tell her.

She deserved to be angry at him, and if she told him to go away, to never speak to her again, to go and jump off a bridge…

Arken didn’t think she would, but he imagined it all the same. Susie could inadvertently kill him. Henrikk undoubtedly realised that.

How amusing for him.

Henrikk had refined breaking a person’s spirit into an artform. He relished finding mental weaknesses and emotional triggers, and watching his victims bend to his will. As for physical punishment, he administered it as a mere afterthought.

Oh, Susie…

Arken’s heart was ready to break all over again. He held the pieces. He could not fall apart. Not when she needed him.

As soon as she recovered, and was safe, he would retreat from her life.

He had to keep his heart whole for her. Because once he’d told her the truth, he would give her the hammer to smash it into smithereens.

He would hold himself together long enough to give her that retribution.

Then…that would be the end for him.

Before Susie, there had already been nothing.

Now, there would be the absence of something important. Something profound. The sliver of hope and love he’d kept hidden had been given a chance to flourish. He’d begun to dream of a life with her in a world that was better than the one they were in.

And Henrikk had snuffed it out.

There would be no one else after Susie. Frankly, he had nothing left to offer her. He’d already made her life infinitely worse by simply being near her. He’d offered her protection by claiming her, but he’d forgotten about Henrikk. Arken had honestly not expected him to appear.

But Nathaniel had failed to bring Kira to Volmasque, and the King had come to complain about his son. Nathaniel had apparently failed to mention to his father that he knew of Kira’s whereabouts. As far as Henrikk knew, the female wolf was missing. Arken wondered what it was that had changed Nathaniel’s mind.

The focus of King Henrikk’s discontent had been Nathaniel, but he’d directed his wrath at Arken, too. Arken hadn’t said a word about Susie and had tactfully negotiated any questions posed by Henrikk about his relationships. Come dawn, Arken had realised that Henrikk was toying with him.

He’d already known about Susie.

Henrikk had informed him that he’d received a letter from Professor Zott, who’d seen fit to go above Arken’s head with the request Arken had kept denying.

Henrikk had passed Zott’s letter to Arken, on which his thick lettering ‘strongly’ recommended Susie for Henrikk’s special consideration.