Page 53 of Commander’s Mate

“My father will receive me. I will go home. You cannot.”

The honesty hurt less than pity.

“That isn’t your fault.”

“No. But it is unfair.”

“That’s one word for it.”

We watched the light for a moment.

“Commander Maktu is honorable,” she said.

“I think so.”

“That sounds like a problem.”

“It is. I don’t know how much of what I feel is him and how much is the fact that he opened the door before I was sold.”

“Gratitude can confuse many things,” Kyanna said. “Attraction is not gratitude.”

I gave her a sideways look.

She shrugged. “I am betrothed. I know what it is to be told who is suitable. I also know what it feels like to look at a male and wonder if suitable has anything to do with wanting.”

Despite myself, I smiled. “That sounds complicated.”

“Most arrangements are.”

“I don’t want him to turn away,” I admitted. “I don’t want him to stop looking at me like that. I want something that feels like mine when nothing is mine anymore.”

“That is not shameful.”

“It might be stupid.”

“Most important choices are made before we are ready.”

“Is that supposed to be comforting?”

“No. It is supposed to be true.”

I let out a shaky breath.

“If I go to him,” I said, “I’m still one of them.” I nodded toward Scarlet, Zoe, and Nora.

“Of course.”

The answer loosened something in my chest.

I returned to the table.

Scarlet eyed me. “You okay?”

“No. But I’m thinking.”

“Dangerous hobby.”

“I want to talk to Zared.”