Page 26 of And It’s Still You

“What?”

“Losing you. Did I wait too late? Yes, but when you left, you made me realize not only had I been putting you and Ocean second, but I had myself as well. Since we were youngins, I wanted to open my own pharmacy. I never wanted to be thrown headfirst into JMG, but that’s what happens when you’re the only male born to the bloodline. Seeing you put yourself first, no matter how badly that shit hurt me, it helped me too. So, thank you for that.”

I reached over with my good hand, and Shea took it. “I know I’ve never said this, but I’m proud of you, Shea. You followed your dreams despite the odds stacked against you.”

“Thank you. It feels good as hell hearing you say that, for real. Yo’ mean ass didn’t even congratulate me when I had my grand opening.”

“That’s because I was bitter. Damn. I’m about to be apologizing to you about everything. I didn’t realize I was being so hateful toward you, Shea.”

“It was warranted.”

“No, it wasn’t.” I squeezed his hand and suggested, “Let’s have a clean slate. I’m not sure how long we’ll be here, but we may as well make the best of it. I don’t want to walk around with a chip on my shoulder, nor do I want to make you uncomfortable in your home, which is beautiful by the way. Thank you for wanting to protect me, despite me being an asshole.”

“The biggest asshole too.”

In one swift motion, I picked up a spoon and popped Shea on the back of the hand. He used to love messing with me, and I see that hadn’t changed.

“I can take it back, Shea.”

“Nah, don’t do that. I’d much rather us be on good terms than going at each other’s necks. Like you, I want this stay to be smooth. I promise, we’re working hard on figuring out who’s behind all this so you can get back to a normal life.”

“I know it. All I want is for y’all to be safe in the process. How is all this making you feel? I mean, you’ve been out JMG for years, so stepping back in must be a little difficult.”

“I’m not stepping back in. I’m simply assisting with finding out who did this, and that’s all. All the other shit is on Onyx. It does have me in my head a bit,” Shea admitted, tugging on his chin hairs. “I don’t like feeling like I need to constantly look over my shoulder or like I’m waiting on something to happen. It makes me feel uneasy, something I haven’t felt since being legit. I’m ready for it to all be over and for life to go back to normal. The last thing I ever wanted to do was go back to my old ways, but my hand is being forced. I was good with them messing with my pharmacy. I’m insured for a reason, but you and Ocean . . . That’s where they overstepped.”

Shea’s phone rang before I could respond. I saw that it was Onyx. With a stoned expression, Shea got up, kissed my forehead, and walked to the back to answer. I watched him and soundlessly prayed over his mental, emotional, and physical state.

I called Ocean back into the kitchen to help me clean up. About ten minutes later, Shea came back in and informed us he had to leave but would be back soon. He gave Ocean love, then walked over to me. My eyes closed as he ran the back of his finger over my cheek. I kept them closed until he walked away, and I heard the front door shut.

Deep down, I needed them to get a move on things.

Being around Shea wasn’t going to be good for me.

In a week’s time, I felt old feelings resurfacing along with new ones. I didn’t want our stay to complicate things for either of us, but my soul was telling me to go with the flow and resist.

Whatever that meant.

8

O'SHEA COLLIER

I’d tucked Ocean in thirty minutes ago, but I hadn’t left his room. Whenever he fell asleep, I’d sit in the beanbag chair in his room and watch him. My entire body would swell with love and pride. He was truly my biggest blessing in life, and having him at the house more made me feel at ease. It made all the shit I was dealing with outside of our home not as heavy. While I hated the circumstances, I was happy with having my son with me.

And his mother.

I couldn’t act like having Moya around wasn’t a gift. Since we’d made amends, everything had been going smoothly. Truthfully, it felt like old times. It felt like nothing had changed between us except for us learning the new versions of each other. Moya was still the same in most ways, but I could see her becoming softer with me again. She was letting her guard down and allowing things to naturally flow between us. Even though it was nice, I wasn’t trying to look too deep into things or allow my feelings to arise.

Our situation was only temporary, and I had to keep telling myself that.

“I see some things never change, huh?”

Moya’s voice snapped me from my thoughts. I glanced up to see her leaning against the doorframe, smiling. Her long legs were on full display in the short, floral pajama set she wore. It was one I’d gotten her for Mother’s Day one year, and she immediately deemed it her favorite. I was surprised to see she still wore it.

I bobbed my head toward her. “I can say the same for you. How long have you had that?”

“For six years. You got it for me for my first Mother’s Day. They’re too comfortable to part with, even with the holes in them.”

“I can just buy you some more, Love, so you won’t be a hypocrite.”