Page 61 of A Wallflower to Win the Viscount

She looked at him sideways. He was still staring at Clawdia. Could people really change? His animosity towards her animals, or at least Clawdia, had changed, but she doubted anything else had.

He coughed lightly as if to clear his throat. ‘Primrose, I hope Clawdia is not the only one who feels safe and secure with me, despite what happened between us.’

‘Of course I feel safe and secure with you,’ she said, shocked he would think otherwise. What happened between us would, well, never have happened if I did not feel perfectly safe and secure with you.’

‘And I promise, despite my attraction to you, it will not happen again,’ he added, still looking at the cat.

Primrose was unsure what he expected her to say. Did he want her to thank him for promising to not repeat something that was so glorious she had been thinking of nothing else since that day? Instead, she’d focus on him saying he found her attractive.

That was not news. She had seen it in his eyes when they made love, and it was something she cherished, but it was also nice to hear him say it. It wasn’t love, but when she’d been sitting in the wallflowers’ corner, ignored by all the eligible men, she would never have imagined that a man as wonderful as Lucian would ever tell her she was attractive.

‘Well, thank you,’ she said with a little laugh.

He nodded, and she wondered whether he thought she was thanking him for the promise to never make love to her again. That would never do.

‘Thank you for the compliment,’ she clarified. ‘I know I’m not the prettiest of women, and with me preferring the company of animals to humans, most men find me a bit peculiar. Certainly, no other man has ever described me as attractive.’

‘Then, those other men are idiots,’ he said forcefully, turning in his chair to face her. ‘You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met, and I don’t just mean your golden blond hair, those gorgeous blue eyes that are like a perfect sky on a spring day or your soft, creamy skin but because you have an inner radiance that is spell-binding.’

He winced and turned back to look at Clawdia. ‘Sorry, I’m sounding like a bad poet.’

Primrose could tell him it didn’t matter how badly it was phrased; no woman, including her, was going to object to the man she loved telling her she was beautiful, radiant and spell-binding.

‘And, I could add, there is nothing peculiar about you or about preferring animals to people. That, too, is amongst your precious qualities. There’s no artifice about you, which only adds to your beauty.’

Primrose’s heart seemingly stopped beating, and she definitely stopped breathing in reaction to his words. This was sounding better and better, although she was aware there was still no mention of love.

‘Those are just some of the reasons I find you so damnably attractive, and why I lost control of myself and did the unforgivable.’

Attraction again, not love. She released her held breath.

‘There’s nothing to forgive,’ she said calmly. I even forgive you for not loving me, which is not your fault.

‘You’ll forgive me, but you won’t marry me,’ he said quietly. ‘I’m sorry,’ he quickly added, his voice slightly louder. ‘I should not have mentioned it again. You have made your choice, and there is nothing more to be said on that subject.’

They both went back to watching Clawdia, who was now grooming her four wriggling offspring.

There might be nothing more to say on the subject of marriage, but there was more that Primrose needed to say to him. He didn’t love her, but she knew he was still weighed down with unnecessary guilt, and she could not bear to see the man she loved suffering under such a burden.

‘Lucian, I know you think that you are now as bad as your father.’

He grew rigid beside her, but she would not let that stop her from saying her piece. ‘I know you think you took advantage of an innocent young woman because you found her attractive and were unable to resist.’ She gave a self-deprecating laugh, still unable to believe that anyone, let alone Lucian, would see her that way. ‘And that you did exactly as your father would have done and seduced her.’

His body became even more taut, and she could all but feel the tension emanating from him.

‘But I don’t see it that way, nor do I believe you need my forgiveness. However, I also know you are finding it impossible to forgive yourself for behaving in a manner you think was like your father, and that you also believe that if you married me, it would prove you are not like him.’

She turned to face him. ‘But that is no proper basis for a marriage, and I will not marry you just so you can assuage your conscience and drive away the bad memories of your father.’

His expression appeared entirely shut down now, as if he was fighting to not let her words in. But she would be heard.

‘Especially as you don’t need forgiveness in the first place, Lucian. You must understand that. I want you to know that nothing that happened between us was anything like the way your father behaved. You didn’t seduce me. You didn’t take advantage of me. I wanted you to make love to me.’

I still want you to make love to me.

‘I have no regrets about what happened,’ she continued firmly. ‘You did not use me when we made love, but I will not be used now simply so you can be free of this misguided belief that you are just like your father.’

I will marry you for only one reason, and that is because you love me she could add but knew she never would.