Page 115 of Ravaged For You

Caspian growls. He doesn’t want any trouble. “Paparazzi can see us,” he warns. “We’re out in the open here.”

“Your album has been a massive success,” Astrid continues. “Even I’ve been listening to it. I mean, you can’t not to when it’s the only thing the radio plays.”

“So no Tainted Lives?” Bishop asks.

Astrid winks. “Who’s that again?”

The boys laugh, and all of them except Axel head back to the plane to collect their things.

“So it was a good tour, then?” Astrid asks us both, her eyes dancing between us. “You two are okay?”

“Yeah,” I reply, trying hard to swallow the lump in my throat.

Axel just nods at his mom.

It’s so infuriating that I can’t see what that man’s thinking. It could be my overreactive imagination, but I swear he’s been completely unmoved by the fact I’m going.

Does he want me out of his life? Has he tired of me?

What does he even think of me?

Who knew fake dating a rockstar would be so stressful?

“Is it alright if I just talk to Astrid?” I quietly ask Axel. “Just one-on-one?”

“Fine.” He might seem fine, but the look he throws me is full of suspicion.

Truth be told, I’ve been meaning to talk to Astrid. I didn’t think I would get the chance to, but I feel like she needs to know something about what has been going on. She’s been way too kind to me, and I’ve felt like a total fraud around her.

This is all totally spur of the moment, but my gut tells me she should know. Lucas and Axel are wrong in keeping this a secret from her.

Axel wanders back to join his bandmates, and so I wait until he’s definitely out of earshot before I turn back to Astrid.

“There’s something I want you to know.”

Astrid regards me with concern. I hate having to do this to her – to tell her I’ve been lying to her – but I know I won’t be able to live with myself if I don’t.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, Maddie. It’s just what I told you on that call when you first started the tour.”

Her words hit me more than I thought they would. Everything comes back to me. These last few weeks that have been the best and also the worst of my life. Weeks where I’ve truly felt something more than I ever thought I would and also weeks where I’ve felt like I’ve lost myself. I’ve been building up all of this within myself and I’ve spoken to no one about it. Not my mother, not Lucas. And certainly not Axel. It’s like my heart has been wrapped up tight in wire and I can’t breathe.

So as Astrid looks at me with genuine care, the tears start to well.

“No one understands what this has been like,” I say, mumbling and stumbling over my words. “I’ve had to keep it all to myself and now I don’t think I can go on. God, I sound so self-pitying.”

“No, you don’t,” Astrid replies. “Just tell me what’s going on, Maddie.”

I try to speak again, but the tears make it all incomprehensible. Astrid sees this happening and rubs her hand on my shoulder. Her caring touch gives me the strength to just get it out.

“The relationship I’ve had with your son is fake.” That sentence carries with it weeks of buttoned-up stress. I just say it coldly. I need to tell her this, and there’s no point ducking and diving around the point. I don’t care about the contract and not being allowed to tell anyone. “It was all for album sales. None of it was real. I thought it… might’ve been at some point, but I was being delusional. It was all a business deal to sell some albums and make Axel look respectable in front of the press and fans. I’ve been lying to you, Astrid, and that’s the worst thing of all. I’m so, so sorry.”

“I know.”

“What?” I ask her.

“Oh, I knew all that, Maddie.”

“That the relationship has been fake?”