Page 114 of Ice Dance

“Fuck no.” I laughed, and wanted to cry even more.

The day was here, our slot was under an hour away, my heart was up in my throat, my guts were in knots, and my hip throbbed a dull, heavy warning that I shouldn’t be doing this.

He turned my swivel chair so that I faced him and knelt in front of me. God, this man was beautiful. Eyes like a fantasy prince, lips I wanted to kiss. But we both wore lip paint, and if we got too close, we’d transfer color between us. That would be a scandal.

His hands rested on my thighs. He looked into my eyes. He opened his mouth to say something that looked as though it may be important.

“I wanna do the quad axel,” I blurted.

He closed his eyes, but his lips twitched at their corner. “Cam.”

“I feel good. I can do it.” I did not feel good. I felt marginally less shit than I had for the past couple of days because the nerves were eating the pain. But what was the point of doing this if I didn’t give it my everything?

He opened his eyes. “If we try and fail⁠—”

“When did you get so soft, Hasegawa?” I teased. “Besides, you’ll catch me, right? If I fall?”

“A fall from that spin could end your career with the injury you have.”

“Baby.” I laid my hands over his, collected them up and put them in my lap. “I gotta do this.”

“We haven’t practiced the axel this week.”

I didn’t reply, just held his gaze, making him surrender, like I knew he would. We’d come this far. He wasn’t going to say no.

“I can do this,” I whispered. “Have faith in me.”

“I do.” He dipped his chin and turned his face away. “More than you know.”

My heart did something complicated that I wasn’t going to think about. I pinched his chin lightly between my finger and thumb and made him look up. “The only way I am doing this is with you.”

The dramatic eye makeup enhanced everything going on in his eyes. Their heat, how much he cared, maybe some pain too. I wasn’t in this alone. The emotion in his eyes, that he kept away from his face, made that clear.

He swallowed, pinched his lips, and nodded. “We’ll do the quad axel.”

Oh god. No backing out now. I wanted to gather his face in my hands and kiss him, tell him I loved him, which was stupid and the wrong thing to say right before the Meridian, with him on his knees and our hands in my lap. I lifted his hands up, and kissed the backs of his fingers, keeping my eyes on him.

He smiled. His every smile was a gift.

“Are we going to do this?” I asked.

“Yes, we are.” He rose gently from his knees, pulling his hands from mine. “Finish getting ready. We’re on the ice in twenty minutes.” He paused at the door and looked back. “Whatever happens, it will not change how I feel about you. I hope you realize that.”

He left with those words landing in my mind like a kiss. I sat through the rest of the makeup application, going over what he’d said.

Did I dare hope there might be something between us after this?

I wanted there to be, I really did, but there was only so much room in my heart for fear, and whatever was going to happen in the next hour had taken all of it.

It was almost over, one way or another.

FORTY-ONE

COMMENTATOR

Good evening from Montreal, and welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Meridian Cup’s second half of the newest, brightest, boldest night of international ice dance. My name’s Claude Tembly, and I’m your commentator for this astonishing event. The arena is sold out, the lights are up, and if there was ever any doubt that this competition intended to bring glamor, danger, and spectacle back to the ice, I think we can put that to rest tonight.

And now we come to one of the most talked about categories of the event. The new gender open division. This category was created to push the boundaries of what ice dance can be. As with any other category, the dances will be a combination of drama, art, and technical excellence. The winners here will take their place in the final dance later tonight, where they’ll compete against the very best partnerships of the entire Meridian field for that coveted podium win and the prize money.