Page 87 of In Between Death and the Devil

Fen stopped just inside the doorway after he shut it. “I wanted you to have an ally. Someone you could lean on. You were so isolated.” His voice was soft, but I flinched anyway.

It was a nice sentiment, but it was also humiliating. To be an assignment. A burden someone had to bear. But I wasn’t ready to share that. “Did you set us up as roommates when we arrived?” I asked instead.

“No. That was pure chance.”

“But she knew who I was?”

“Not until after Titus passed her the ring at the welcome feast. That was when I asked her to befriend you.”

So that first day everything between us had been real. It didn’t make me feel better. Her eventual orders poisoned everything.

“Why didn’t you tell me once we’d established our Death Chord? Why wait until now?” I hadn’t reconnected with Bea at that point. If he’d told me then, I would have been spared the pain of having spilled my guts to someone who was lying to me. Or maybe it wouldn’t have made a difference. Maybe the same pain would have just come later. I seemed to attract it no matter what I did.

“I couldn’t risk Death finding out, both for Bea’s sake and for ours. I’ve often wondered if Death had a spy in my castle. She seems to know things she shouldn’t sometimes.”

“Is that why you wanted a spy of your own?”

He nodded.

I couldn’t argue with that. After all, this was a lot bigger than just me and my silly emotions. I needed to remember that.

“Well, Bea’s doing an excellent job. I had no idea.” I went to the wardrobe to search for the padded tunic as Daphne had suggested.

“I’m sorry, Maeve.”

“You don’t need to be. I understand why you kept it a secret.” My words were stiff as I blindly rummaged through the hanging clothes.

“I may have told Bea to befriend you, but it wasn’t fake.”

I fisted my hands, grabbing handfuls of satins and silks. Did Fen think I was going to wear this many dresses?

“Bea reported to Daphne how worried she was about you. She felt bad about you not knowing about her connection with us.”

“That doesn’t mean it was real.” I still spoke to the inside of my wardrobe.

Fen crossed the room, his footfalls reverberating through the wooden floor beneath my feet.

My shoulders hunched and he stopped.

“Two things can be true at once, Maeve. You can have been an assignment for her, and your friendship can be real.”

Gods, I wanted it to be true, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe it. Experience had taught me otherwise. A person’s objective always trumped anything else. I let go of the dresses and stared blankly at them. How was I supposed to trust anyone after this?

“You’re on the same side,” Fen said. “She wants to see you take your rightful place as Death. She cares about you.”

It was true that our interests aligned. I might not trust her friendship, but I could trust she would help us see things through. We no longer had to pretend to be friends. We could just be allies in this.

“Will you look at me?” he asked.

I turned around slowly.

“Are we okay?” He looked afraid. Afraid that the small amount of progress we’d made had been ruined. That he was losing me. “Please, talk to me. If we’re going to trust each other, we need to communicate.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you. I understand why you recruited Bea as a spy. It was a smart move. I respect it. But it hurts. It feels like Colt all over again, even if it’s not the same.” In trying to help me, Fen had inadvertently triggered one of my greatest fears, being lied to by people I cared about.

Understanding dawned on his face. “I’m so sorry, Maeve. I didn’t realize.”

I knew it hadn’t been malicious on his part, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.