Page 69 of In Between Death and the Devil

“I’m not. It was awful.”

“I can only imagine.”

I blinked away the sudden sting of tears. Her simple words were exactly what I needed to hear, validation without pity.

“Were you angry?”

“Yes.” My answer was swift.

“At him? Or at the realms?”

Another question that stumped me for a moment. “Both, I think.”

Bea nodded. “I think one of the roles a soul guide plays is that of villain, a target for anger. It sounds like he did what you needed, unpleasant as it was.”

She was right. I did need it, and I hated that I did. Hated myself for needing him. Hated how unsafe it felt.

“It sounds like you admire him,” I said, “even though he’s supposed to be the enemy. Especially for someone who just found out he and Death aren’t immortal.”

“Honestly…” She leaned forward and lowered her voice. “Death kind of gives me the creeps. Something’s felt off since we arrived. Remember that first assembly?”

I scrunched my nose at the memory. Death had been so different than what I expected. More, and somehow also less. I’d attributed it to the fact that she was a god.

“The story you’ve told me makes more sense than the one we were raised with.” Bea shrugged.

“So you think I should trust him? Despite everything? Despite the fact that there’s no proof he isn’t the one who hired Colt.”

Bea watched me for a moment, her expression thoughtful. “Why would he have offered to show you Colt’s Soul Record unless he didn’t hire Colt? It sounds like he was as surprised as you were to realize it didn’t exonerate him.”

I heard the logic in her words, but I wasn’t ready to accept it. “I also felt his dread. That could’ve been because there is a way to trace the person who hired Colt back to him, even though he claimed there wasn’t. That he realized he screwed up in showing it to me.” I was scrambling, grasping to hold onto what had felt like solid reasoning until now.

“Okay. Say he did hire Colt. Why would he have taken the risk of showing you the Soul Record?”

“Because I told him I needed proof, and it was the only thing he could offer.” My reasoning sounded weak even to my ears.

“Why are you so hesitant to trust him?”

“He’s the Devil.” I threw up my hands. “Would you trust him?”

Bea said nothing, just regarded me steadily.

My shoulders slumped. “The last person I trusted turned out to be a villain. I thought I knew him, but I was wrong, and my family paid the price.” I leaned back against the wall for support.

“Maeve, it sounds like the person you don’t trust here is yourself.” She said it gently, but it felt like a punch to the gut.

I slid down to sit on the floor, burying my head in my hands. “My judgment is shit.”

“Because one man fooled you one time?” The incredulity in her voice startled me.

“Yes.” It came out more hesitant than I intended.

“That seems extreme.”

“It was. My family are dead because of my lapse in judgment.”

“What happened with Colt is terrible, but that doesn’t mean you are terrible or that you have terrible judgment. You made a mistake. It happens.”

“People died.”