Page 35 of In Between Death and the Devil

The realization cleared my head. I straightened, and he let my hand fall from his.

“I was arrested for their murder. They said I’d poisoned them using something they found in my room. I had no idea what they were talking about, but I didn’t say anything because it would have meant revealing my curse. And I was guilty, even if it wasn’t in the way they said. I was given a choice, life in prison or a life with the Order of Death. I chose the Order. And then I came here, hoping to atone for what I’d done.

“So that’s what happened. That’s what is at the center of my fear—the fact that I killed my family.” I wiped my eyes and cleared my throat. “Now what?”

The Devil stared at me for a moment with that intense look I hated, because I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. “We’re done for the night.”

“What? Wait. No.”

“You’ve uncovered something big, Maeve. We’ll delve into it next time.” He reached up. One of the balls of light flew into his palm and extinguished, the room dimming.

“How?”

He reached for another light, but I grabbed his hand.

“Stop. Tell me how we’ll delve into it.”

He gave me a searching look. “Are you always like this? Needing to know everything that’s going to happen before it does?”

I dropped his hand and stepped back. “I like to be prepared.”

“Is that why you pushed to the center of your fear instead of waiting like I told you to?” His eyes narrowed.

“Yes.”

“Hmmm.” He bit his lip while he considered my answer.

The movement momentarily distracted me, my eyes following the motion. He had such full lips. It was no wonder he was such a good kisser.

His mouth stopped moving, and my eyes flicked up to his to find him watching me, a smirk on his handsome face. Like he knew what I was thinking about.

“So tell me what happens next.” I crossed my arms, ignoring the way my face heated.

“Ask me nicely.” He mirrored my stance.

I rolled my eyes. “Will you please tell me what happens next?”

“Better. I’ll help you work through what we saw.”

“Do you think I haven’t tried? I’ve already faced it. I face it every day, every time I remember what happens. I don’t flinch from it.”

“Bludgeoning yourself with it is not the same thing as facing it. You have to work through it so you can let it go.”

I threw up my hands. “How am I supposed to let go of it when I have to live with the thing that caused it? I’m cursed. If I wasn’t, we wouldn’t be here.” I felt like I was in a vicious loop of reasoning I couldn’t escape.

“How do you know you’re cursed?”

“Are you serious? Visions of how people die. Taking death from one person and giving it to others. Glowing hands that destroy. If it’s not a curse, what is it?”

He nodded, a satisfied expression on his face. “Now you’re asking the right question.”

CHAPTER 11

If it’s not a curse, what is it? The question followed me everywhere the next day. I thought I knew the answer the Devil was looking for—he wanted me to see it as a gift instead—but I couldn’t. Not when it had taken the people I loved from me. Not when it made me a walking danger to everyone.

I wasn’t naive. Death was an unavoidable part of life. I’d known my family would die. The very first vision I’d had was of my mother’s death when I was six years old. I hadn’t seen the part I would play, or known when it would happen. My curse didn’t show me those pieces. Regardless, it was cruel knowing what was coming for her, or anyone I looked at, and I couldn’t see it any other way. If shifting how I thought of it was the key to conquering my fear and gaining control, I was in trouble.

At breakfast, Death announced my duties were no longer confined to her rooms and dismissed the woman shadowing me. I accompanied her on her normal morning rounds—visiting the Well to check on the waiting souls there, stopping by the Nexus to send instructions to a few Orders in the World of the Living, and then the greenhouses.