Page 21 of In Between Death and the Devil

When we turned in the opposite direction of the dormitories, I ignored the ache in my chest. It was better that I didn’t get to say anything to Bea. What would I even say? She was better off without me. Safer.

I had to bury my hopes of redeeming myself. I’d worried I’d avoided punishment, but the Guardian knew better. There was no escaping it. I couldn’t stop the tears from spilling down my cheeks. This was how I would atone. For the rest of my existence, however long or short that might be.

It’s not a choice. It’s a calling, my mantra taunted me. Being a Judge wasn’t a calling. It had just been a foolish hope.

CHAPTER 7

“Maeve.” My shoulders tensed at the sound of Death’s voice. “Take tea to the Presentation Room on the second floor. I’m meeting with the Devil.”

“Yes, my goddess.” I dropped into the deep curtsy Talia had shown me the day after I failed my assessment, and went to gather a tray.

Even when I was out of Death’s sight, the feeling of her watching me persisted.

I’d discovered she had little to no patience for anything done the wrong way. She watched every move I made, always with the same expression, like she was convinced I was hiding something. I hadn’t taken a full breath in three weeks, and my nerves were stretched so tight I thought they might snap at any moment.

She kept me busy following her around the castle on her daily rounds, like a shadow. I suspected it was so she could keep an eye on me since I rarely did anything. On occasion, I’d hold something for her, like the basket of flowers for her rooms someone thrust into my hands while we were in the greenhouses. Then I stood there while she channeled power into the soil so it would grow the food that fed all of us, but she insisted on my presence.

Back in her rooms, I kept busy cleaning and serving her meals. Despite being a goddess and able to summon anything she wanted, Death preferred her meals served the human way. Which meant servants bringing them from the kitchen to a pantry in her rooms, and then me serving them to her in the dining room like this was a rich household in the World of the Living. It was strange, but I’d also discovered she rarely used magic in private.

I wasted no time in putting a kettle of water on to boil, and pulling a tray together, gritting my teeth the whole time. Every time I touched something, I expected my hands to start glowing. It had happened twice since my assessment. Once, I’d destroyed a plate and set of silverware as I set Death’s table for lunch. No one had been around then, or the other time when I’d burned holes in my uniform and had to sneak down to my room to change, but it was only a matter of time before my luck ran out and someone saw. I wished I knew what caused it, or if there was someone I could ask about it. The only one who might know was Death, and there was no way I was asking her. She’d probably decide I was a threat to be eliminated. Permanently. Even if I was dangerous, I had no wish to be annihilated. I still wanted to atone, in whatever way I could.

My chest tightened, and I forced myself to breathe. I’d figured out how my curse worked in the World of the Living. I would do the same here, hopefully without Death finding out, and without hurting anyone.

Picking up the tea tray, I made my way from Death’s rooms to the other side of the castle. The Presentation Room was on the third floor next to the Amphitheater. Death often took afternoon meetings there with Judges to approve judgments. Why she didn’t meet with them in her rooms instead, I didn’t understand.

There were plenty of people in the halls. Preferring to stay out of sight, I used the hidden network of corridors and staircases used by the servants wherever possible. I wound my way past the Nexus, which Death visited every morning. As I passed the servants’ entrance, I could hear the hum of activity inside. It contained dozens of podiums in the shape of tree roots, one for each Order, bearing paper, a pot of deep red ink and pens, much like the one I saw in the Burial Chamber during my Ritual. It also had a tally of offerings for every Order in the World of the Living on one wall that was updated daily. Death seemed to put great store in the numbers, though I couldn’t tell why. They didn’t seem to have a tangible meaning.

I had to cross one of the main hallways in front of the Library, which occupied two floors on the same side of the castle as the dormitories. Slipping into another set of back hallways that circled the center of the castle, I felt the pull of the Well three floors down, where souls waited to be judged. That was what was down the staircase I’d seen outside the Arrival Hall. I’d never been inside, forced to wait in the large, mirror-lined antechamber while Death and a Judge disappeared inside every morning. I heard whispers every time we went near it, though I didn’t say anything, since no one else seemed to hear them.

Descending two sets of stairs, I finally came to an exit that let me out three doors down from the Presentation Room. As soon as I hit the main hallway, a soft rumble of voices sounded, like a distant wave approaching. My shoulders tensed as a crowd of people rounded the far corner, filling the hallway. Trainees walked past, discussing their last class. I felt a stab of envy at the way they moved with ease and purpose. That could have been me, if I weren’t a danger to everyone. Shaking off the feeling, I kept moving. There was no point in dwelling on dreams of what might have been.

“No, that’s not what he meant.” Bea’s voice rose above the noise. My eyes found her in the crowd. I hadn’t seen her since our assessment. Her expression was determined as she argued with someone. It was the same look she’d worn when she refused to leave my side in the Arrival Hall, even though she had been naked and shivering beneath a blanket.

Loneliness hit me hard as I realized this was what it would always be like, me on the outside looking in. I didn’t have to look down to see my hands were glowing again. I could feel it.

I needed to get out of here.

Ducking my head so Bea wouldn’t see me, I looked for an exit. The door to the Presentation Room was open on my left. Darting through it, I kicked the door shut. It was blessedly empty.

The tray in my hands had gone from gold to copper. I dropped it on the first surface I saw, the tea sloshing a bit. The metal had shaped to my grip where I’d held it.

Unlike the last three times, both of my hands shone like beacons. Swallowing the lump of dread in my throat, I closed my eyes and found the source of the light. The hole in my chest that it streamed through had gotten bigger since the last time. I tried to smother it again, but I couldn’t contain it. It kept slipping from my grip. As if it sensed my intention and objected, the heat in my hands intensified.

Gods. I was stuck. I couldn’t touch anything. I couldn’t go anywhere. I felt so helpless.

My breath caught in my throat, and I squeezed my eyes shut against the tears I felt forming. A torrent of emotions flooded through me. Anger. Hurt. Sadness. Jealousy. Fear. Everything I’d been bottling up the last three weeks in an attempt to keep this exact thing from happening. I couldn’t hold them back any longer. The heat built and built until it filled my entire body, and I felt like I would melt through the floor.

And then, as if it had reached the peak, it started to drain away. The rush slowed to a trickle and then winked out.

I let out a shaky breath and looked at my hands. Normal. If it weren’t for the tea tray, no one would know anything had happened.

The clearing of a throat made me spin around. My hand flew to my mouth as I found the source. The Devil. My eyes widened. He’d seen everything.

I backed up towards the door, desperate to escape, but my hip hit the edge of the table. I let out a hiss of pain as the tea tray went sliding off, the teapot tipping.

Shadows whipped out and caught it, righting it before it could spill. They caught the teacups and saucers, the milk, sugar and biscuits, and eased it all back onto the tray and the table without spilling a drop. Then, they faded away.

I stared at where they’d been, my heart pounding.