Page 142 of In Between Death and the Devil

“Give me a chance to make things right. I don’t know if I can, but I will try with everything I have. Please. I want to be better, I just don’t know how.” The words flowed off his tongue as if he’d said them before, and when he bowed his head over his hands like he was praying, I was hit with two realizations.

We were both convinced we were irreparably broken, which was ridiculous because broken things could be fixed. If there was one thing our existence proved, it was that nothing was beyond repair. There were always more chances, another life to live, another lesson to learn. It was hard to see when all you knew was your current life, but it was impossible to come to the In Between and not see the larger picture.

And I wanted to try. I didn’t know if I could forgive him, or if I could handle whatever came next, but I didn’t want to give up. I was tired of underestimating myself, of thinking I had to atone for being me. I wanted to fight for a partnership with Fen. A shared life with purpose.

My connection with Fen flared to life in my chest with a hum. Those three notes, our chord, vibrating together in perfect harmony, filled my entire being, and I could see our Death Chord strung between us in gold and black.

Fen’s head snapped up, his hand flying to his chest as if he felt it too. “Maeve?” It was a whisper filled with hope.

Mentally grabbing the Chord with two hands, I channeled all my strength and pulled.

CHAPTER 37

Ipulled myself towards Fen with every fiber of my being, as if climbing a rope hand over hand. After a few seconds, my form flickered, making me almost lose my grip. The feel of myself in two bodies at once—one salamander, one human—made the edges of my vision go hazy, but I ignored it and kept going, kept reaching for him.

He doubled over with a growl. Then I felt him mentally grab the other end of our bond and haul me towards him.

A moment later, I was sprawled on the floor, my hands splayed out in front of me.

Human hands.

I met Fen’s startled gaze, and emotions slammed into me through our bond, so many it was hard to tell them apart. Joy, relief, anger, shame, guilt, love. Fear. He dropped to his knees, nearly skidding across the floor to reach me. I was wrapped in his arms before I could flinch back.

“Maeve.” His voice shook as he buried his face in my hair, his body trembling with emotion. He clung to me as if he was afraid I’d disappear.

My arms circled his back automatically, and I let my eyes flutter closed. The feel of his leather tunic against my skin was comforting, grounding in a way I hadn’t realized I needed. Being back in his arms felt so right, I almost wondered why I’d left.

Almost.

As much of a relief as it was to be in human form again, to be so close to Fen, there was no forgetting what had driven me away. I wanted to try, but in order to do so I needed him to be honest with me. No more lies or half-truths. I needed to know about his addiction and why he’d limited the amount of power I could draw from him. Would he give me that?

Uncertainty sat heavy on my shoulders, but I let myself savor the moment for a little while longer. After all, it might be the last one we had like this.

“I felt you disappear. Our bond went silent. I thought you’d gone.” His voice sounded thick.

“I did, for a while. I needed some space.”

He pulled back to search my face. Tears ran in tracks down his face into his beard, and I couldn’t resist the urge to wipe them away. “Do you still need space?” His fingers flexed on my skin, as if he knew he should pull away, but couldn’t bring himself to.

“I need answers.”

He looked down and nodded. “You also need clothes.” Finally letting me go, he rose and went to the bed.

Awareness of my nakedness hit me along with the cool air of the room. I’d completely forgotten I left my clothes in the Dungeon when I’d transformed.

A blanket settled over my shoulders. “I can send someone for some.”

“No need.” With a flick, I sent light surging through the material, transforming it into my preferred tunic, pants, and boots. They shimmered gently as they settled over my curves, and my lips curled in satisfaction.

Fen’s look of awe when I rose quickly morphed into something both panicked and determined. The moment had arrived. There was no more putting it off. “I owe you an explanation.”

“Yes.”

He gestured to one of the chairs, and I took a seat while he paced in front of the fire, gathering his nerve. “Gods. I don’t know where to start, even though I’ve already done this once.”

I presumed he meant telling Daphne and Marcus. “You’re addicted to pain.”

He winced at my statement. “No, not really.”