Page 48 of A Farmer’s Guide To Gamers

And the time she picked a turtle up in the driveway to move it to safety, only to realize it was a snapping turtle. Thankfully, he only bit her favorite dress.

She still hadn’t gotten over that incident.

“He’s moving!” she screamed.

“Stop screaming, for one. If you scare him, he’ll definitely spit. Talk to him like he’s a child and don’t show fear.”

“Oh, sure, yeah,” she said sarcastically, putting on a sweet voice. “You’re just a harmless little alpaca, right?”

The alpaca made a humming noise that echoed through the speaker. I was already halfway to her and had to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. This was the exact kind of distraction I needed today.

“He’s getting closer,” Sabrina hissed into the phone.

“I’m two minutes out. Stay strong,” I teased, stopping at a stop sign. An old couple was walking across the street, sharing a walker and moving at a glacial pace. I didn’t mention that to my panicked friend, though.

When I turned onto her drive the scene before me was hysterical. She was backed against a tree, the alpaca facing off with her. It was trying to be friendly and likely wanted a few pets, but she was acting like it had charged her.

As I climbed out, I hung up the call and pulled open the camera, taking a few pictures as I approached. A little friendly blackmail never hurt.

“I’ll kill you, Tillie,” she sang out, keeping her voice as calm as possible.

“Hey there, big guy,” I cooed as I approached, moving into his view and holding out a hand. He moved closer and nuzzled into it, his eyes slipping closed as I gave him a solid scratching.

Sabrina startled us both by bolting like a psycho through the back door, leaving me and my new friend staring after her.

“Well, that was something,” I mused as I patted his wooly head. “Shall we get you on home?”

He hummed again, staying still until I stopped scratching him, so I continued. I didn’t think to grab a rope or anything to help guide him back home and when I called out to Sabrina there was no answer.

There was no way she was going to be coming back out here.

Right when I was trying to think of who to call my phone started to ring.

“Hello? Kai, are you busy?” I asked, relief filling me when I realized he could help me.

“Nooo,” he dragged out the word slowly, uncertainty clear in his voice as he hesitated to continue. “What’s going on?”

“I need your help with an alpaca.”

“You need my help? With an alpaca?” he repeated, as if he couldn’t understand what I was saying.

“Yeah, it’s the neighbor’s and he wandered over to Sabrina’s but I forgot to bring something to get him home safely. Is there any way you could snag a lead or something from my place and meet me here?”

“To guide an alpaca home?” he asked, as if to clarify.

“Yeah,” I told him, laughing at him gently. “Welcome to Magnolia Ridge, beta. You going to come help me or should I ask someone else?”

“I’m coming,” he replied with an exaggerated sigh, before laughing. “But I have to say this is one of the most surreal conversations I’ve ever had with someone. I’ve never even seen an alpaca in real life.”

“Then now’s your chance,” I told him confidently. “My barn should have what we need and if you need help finding it just call me. Oh, but you were calling me… What⁠—?”

“I’ll talk to you when I get there. Don’t want to hold up any animal rescues,” he said in a bright voice before telling me he’d text when he was leaving my place.

Once the call ended I pulled my phone away in time to see that Sabrina had messaged me.

Sabrina

No way am I going out there with that thing still there.