Page 8 of Stay Here Forever

Audrey felt alive again. She was remembering how it felt to indulge interests and take time for herself, to think about what she might want in any given situation rather than what Rufus would enjoy. And Luke was the perfect partner for her adventures.

Always attentive to her moods, he never pried, giving her time to explore novel feelings whenever they arose. While she never fully explained the fog she’d been under and what had happened with Rufus, he sensed her trepidation to be out in the world again, though she longed to do so. It was startling to recognize that everyone regarded you with pity.

But Luke always treated her with respect and as a person of value, like she wasn’t someone he’d leave behind and forget. She was envious of his wife and appalled at herself for having such thoughts of a woman who was now deceased. From Luke’s accounts, his wife had been a good woman, and she felt guilty for being envious of what she’d had and Audrey herself had not.

The past fortnight had been an absolute delight. They visited museums and took time to see the latest paintings displayed at Somerset House; browsed through Hatchards for the latest novels, such as Pride and Prejudice; and even attended a scientific lecture. All of it had been fascinating and reminded Audrey of how much she enjoyed reading and painting. But what she loved most about all the ventures she and Luke had taken together was how it stimulated her mind. Luke seemed to appreciate her inquisitiveness, too, and valued her opinions. She reveled in being appreciated for her mind and not simply her ability to serve.

They had no grand plan for this afternoon, only to meet in the park and enjoy the surroundings before the weather turned, making such outings impossible for a spell. They might be pushing their luck today, as it was now well into October and the possibility of rain loomed in the specter of a dark gray cloud on the horizon. But Audrey was willing to risk it, thrilling in feeling like a whole person again and the novelty of anticipating something good.

A smile lit up her face as she rounded a bend in the path and saw Luke standing before the bench where he had discovered her just weeks ago. She took a moment to surreptitiously observe him before he noticed her approach, savoring every detail of his appearance.

His chocolate-brown hair was slightly mussed with the wind that was kicking up, the disheveled look complementing his easygoing personality more than his usual polish and pomade. Though he always dressed as the respectable gentleman that he was, she noticed he seemed to stand as if the ensemble were a bit too starched, as if he would prefer a more relaxed uniform be required for his occupation. Maybe that was why the unkempt note to his appearance today felt so right, adding to his appeal.

Audrey had always found him attractive, his soulful brown eyes rimmed with lashes longer than most, and his shy smile that emerged first from one side of his face. He’d been around from time to time over the years, being friends with Felix as they attended university together, but it wasn’t until he came to stay with them after her father’s passing, assisting Felix in the transition of the title and responsibilities of the barony, that she developed a deep respect for him.

He’d exuded such competence, able to handle the business affairs and organize everything into a system easy for Felix to follow. Audrey wasn’t sure if it stemmed from his very nature or that he was a second son of a viscount and was preparing for life in a respectable profession. But he was capable in a way her brother never had been, and it appealed to her greatly. He reminded her of her father, a man she’d admired and respected for his hard work and dedication to serving those who relied on him.

And these past weeks, Luke had repeatedly shown Audrey what it looked like when a man respected a woman for more than what she could do for him, to treat her as an equal. The contrast with her brother—and Rufus, she was slowly coming to realize—was hard to ignore. He asked for her thoughts beyond matters related to him or running the household, like when he asked her opinion regarding a new painting of the Prince Regent by Sir Thomas Lawrence. She’d felt seen. He’d wanted to hear from her rather than just sharing his own observations, not simply seeking her agreement or reassurance of his own brilliant take on the work.

Just his asking for her opinion had left her feeling something so novel she didn’t quite know what to name the sensation. Being fully perceived had her feeling practically giddy, and dare she even say, somewhat stirred?

Desire was a difficult feeling for Audrey to navigate, as she didn’t trust herself regarding what she truly felt at the moment. Previously, her only real attraction had been to Rufus. In retrospect, however, she could see that had merely been infatuation. And just now climbing out of that haze, still fighting her natural impulses to prioritize Rufus, made her distrust what Luke was bringing to her life. Still, she did not wish to ignore the sensations either.

As she started forward again, Luke spotted her and gave one of his slowly blossoming smiles. He walked forward to meet her and kissed her cheek. Though it was an acceptable greeting, such intimacies were usually only shared between relatives or the closest of friends. She blushed at the implications of the gesture and the side of her face felt branded where his lips had brushed her sensitive skin. Tucking her arm into the crook of his, he set them off toward the center of the park.

“I fear we may be playing a losing game with the impending rain, but I’m glad you suggested meeting in the park today. I do so love the autumn air, and the trees will soon lose their scarlet and golden beauty, so it’s best to enjoy them while we can.”

She smiled at him from underneath her bonnet. “My sentiments exactly. I think the risk is worthwhile. And if needed, there are several large trees under which we can take cover.”

Luke was gazing down at her as she spoke and returned her smile, sending an involuntary shiver through her body at the warmth she found there. He quickly covered her exposed hand with his own, mistaking her for being cold. Oh, he was ever the gentleman! Between the brief kiss and his gloved hand now on hers, it felt intimate. She wasn’t sure what she read in his eyes, and she could not see into his heart, but might he be feeling some of what she was? Or being a man of consideration, was she blowing his behavior out of proportion, misreading his gestures given her lack of familiarity with such behavior?

Audrey desperately wished she could stop questioning every little thing, but it was all so new that she didn’t know what to trust. Her instincts felt off, especially knowing how much she’d deceived herself before.

She needed to gain clarity, yet Luke all but admitted he was still grieving his late wife, having grown to truly love her over their five years together. After all, he was forced to chase Napoleon north toward the Netherlands soon after her passing. Though he explained about the role he played, she inferred that he’d been in important talks before the definitive battle at Waterloo. Such engagement must have kept him from fully processing his grief, and if he was only now dealing with the loss, was it even possible he could have feelings for her?

Just as Audrey was building up the courage to ask him why he was spending so much time with her, she felt the first drop of rain hit her face and a large crack of thunder reverberated around them, causing Luke to freeze beside her.

She turned to head toward a large tree several yards away but was halted by Luke’s firm grip on her hand, a strange, blank look on his face. It was as if he was staring at nothing at all. The rain was steadily increasing, and they would need to take shelter quickly. She pulled on his arm and called his name, but to no avail. It wasn’t until another boom of thunder sounded that he seemed to awaken from wherever he’d gone and sprung back to life, running with her underneath the hanging boughs of a willow.

“I’m so sorry—oh, you’re an absolute sodden mess. Here . . .” Luke took off his coat and draped it around her while continuing to apologize profusely, a mess of movement, action, and platitudes, but he wouldn’t look her in the eye.

“Luke, stop. I’m fine, truly. I can handle being a bit wet. I promise I won’t catch a chill and die.”

He went quiet and still, making Audrey realize the impact of her words. “I’m sorry, that was inconsiderate of me. I didn’t mean⁠—”

He placed his fingers over her mouth, cutting off her words. “It’s all right. I know you didn’t mean anything by it. I’m just sorry you are suffering the cold.”

“I’m really not that wet. My pelisse and bonnet did their jobs well. I just need to shake this out.” She untied her bonnet strings and was attempting to pull it off and shake out the water that had gathered there, but it caught on a hairpin. Audrey gave a hard tug and the pin finally relented, a large lock of hair tumbling down her shoulder in the process.

Luke quickly reached out to save the greatcoat resting precariously on her shoulders before it fell to the rough ground beneath them, and Audrey found herself trapped between his arms, her face not far from his strong chest. She could feel his warmth all around her, and stirring feelings began low in her belly. Her pulse increased, breath becoming more rapid, and she felt his presence in every inch of her being. She slowly lifted her eyes to find him staring at her, his chest moving quickly with his own labored breaths.

He readjusted the great coat over her shoulders once more, his eyes never leaving hers as he kept his hands clasped over her shoulders, securing her close to him. The branches of the tree tossed around them in the wind that had stirred up with the storm, a particularly strong gust blowing a loose strand of hair across her face.

“I’m sorry, I must look a mess.” She tried to raise an arm to brush it out of her eyes, but Luke beat her to it. The tips of his fingers trailed across her forehead with the lightest ghost of a touch as he pushed the errant strands aside, causing gooseflesh to erupt over her arms and chest.

“You don’t look a mess. You look beautiful,” he said while looking directly into her eyes, crumpling Audrey’s composure with his words. A quiver ran through her, and suddenly her growing desire couldn’t be questioned. What she felt was real, no matter how complicated her past regarding attraction. And based on his reactions, if she had faith in her instincts, Luke was feeling something deeper for her as well.

Placing her hand on his chest, still maintaining their locked gaze, Audrey ever so slightly lifted onto her toes, creeping infinitesimally closer to him, just as he began dropping his face toward hers.