Page 4 of Stay Here Forever

No. Dashing the back of her hand across her cheeks, she took in a shuddering breath. It was time to face reality. She must take stock of what was happening in her life and with her family. Today, she’d already unearthed a few insights about the true nature of the Jacobses’ circumstances, but now she needed an accurate picture of where her own life stood, and not the one she had imagined would be.

The first thing was she needed to fully understand the situation between Victoria and Mr. Kirkland. Furthermore, Audrey needed to determine if their relationship could be salvaged in any way. That would require a conversation with Felix as to the true state of their finances and whether the lack of dowry, as Victoria had implied, was precluding an engagement.

She hated how little she actually knew of the situation and how absent she’d been. She wasn’t even sure how her sister felt about Mr. Kirkland. Was Victoria drowning in despair because she felt that her best chance at a match was slipping away, or did her sister hold true affection for him as Audrey did for Rufus? For she wanted Victoria to be as happy and in love as she was.

A vicious tremor shuddered through Audrey, making her nauseous. Bile climbed her throat as she realized how quickly her thoughts had again turned to Rufus. Falling back into familiar patterns of thinking was dangerous. She needed to do things differently, to shake up her routine so she’d be forced to consider her actions and not allow her thoughts to so easily drift toward Rufus.

The shame she had been feeling shifted as anger rose within her. How dare he leave for so long without even a word? Had she meant so little to him that he could treat her with such disregard? The feeling she might be sick returned, and Audrey shook her head to stay centered.

Breathing in the cool October air, she resolved to truly live again from this moment on. Looking about, she drank in the beauty of the changing leaves and appreciated the chill in the breeze that swept a loose tendril of hair across her cheek. Autumn had always been her favorite time of year, but when was the last time she’d been about and enjoyed the season? Even just venturing out to the park now instead of moldering away in the house was a refreshing change of pace.

Living needed to start right now. She’d already wasted too many years in lethargy, letting the world pass by in a haze. Audrey was just about to rise when a question stopped her.

“Miss Jacobs?”

CHAPTER 3

Audrey looked up, startled by the masculine voice drawing her out of her thoughts. A man stood before her, just to her right. He must have come up the path. There was a bend not far from where she was perched that would have obscured his approach.

He looked familiar, but she was too thrown by his sudden presence to immediately place him, though he clearly knew her. He was handsome. Deep brown eyes with lines extending from the corners, hinting at a kindness, or at least a propensity to smile, were the first thing Audrey noticed. Tanned skin suggested he’d been in climes other than England. And mussy, light brown hair gleamed in the late-afternoon light.

“I don’t mean to presume, my apologies if you are no longer Miss Jacobs, but I am not familiar with your current address.” A shy smile accompanied his admission, and sudden recognition came with a flush of fondness.

“Mr. Kent,” she said, rising from the bench to greet him properly. A warmth filled her seeing this man she had not seen or thought of since Rufus entered her life. Long-abandoned memories came rushing back—the weeks he’d spent assisting Felix after her father passed, leaving her brother to assume the baronetcy. He had been such a kind man, the level head Felix needed to help him sort through everything related to the estate. But Mr. Kent seemed bound for diplomatic life. Had he been away all this time?

“You are correct, it is still Miss Jacobs,” she offered after realizing she’d been staring without saying anything for too long. “How lovely to see you again after all this time.”

“And you. I can hardly comprehend running into you at this moment, no one else appears to be in the park. But it’s wonderful to see you.”

There was so much warmth in his smile and genuine delight in his tone. Audrey could tell that he was happy to see her and not simply offering polite sentiments. And she was pleased to have his company, feeling instantly at ease in his presence even though after a decade—he was practically a stranger.

“Won’t you please join me?” Audrey gestured to the bench behind her, wishing to prolong the moment.

“There is nothing I’d love more, but ”—Mr. Kent looked up at the sky, which was already taking on the pallor of the encroaching evening—“I fear it will soon be dark, and we should not linger. May I see you home?”

“Of course, I didn’t realize how late it had become.” Audrey felt flustered, her disorientation returning after the tumultuous day she’d experienced. The vertiginous feeling resumed, and she was forced to grip Mr. Kent’s arm to remain upright.

“Are you all right?” There was a note of alarm in his voice as he grasped her elbow, steadying her frame. “Are you unwell?”

How utterly embarrassing. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply until she felt steady again. “I’m well. You’ve simply discovered me at an interesting time. I’ve had quite the odd day.”

He was still looking at her with concern when she raised her gaze to meet his eyes again. There was such care in them that it was almost unnerving. She wasn’t sure anyone had looked at her with such intent and consideration in years. A blush began warming her cheeks.

“I’m sorry if you are out of sorts, but now you really must allow me to see you home.” He shifted to her side and tucked the hand which had been gripping him in the crook of his muscular arm. Keeping his other hand protectively wrapped around her fingers, he started forward. “Are you staying in the Jacobses’ townhome?”

Audrey nodded, unable to find her voice, throat suddenly closed off with emotion at the novel feeling of being cared for with such tenderness. They ambled in a comfortable silence for a few moments before he spoke up.

“Forgive me if I am out of place, I understand we hardly know one another, but why has today been so interesting for you?”

She was silent, gathering her thoughts, unsure how to express that the very foundations of how she understood herself had been shaken. That her worldview and sense of self were in ruins. She must have paused for too long, for Mr. Kent spoke up again.

“Forgive me, I have no right to pry.”

“No, I am simply trying to find the best way to explain.” She looked up at him and saw how earnest his gaze was, eyes piercing and brow slightly furrowed as he assessed her, obviously concerned. A small chuckle escaped her. “I’m not even sure where to begin.”

“Why don’t you start with why you are in the park at such an hour. Usually, most are home for tea right now.”

“Yes, I left at a rather inopportune time, and I don’t believe Felix was at all pleased. But I had such an overwhelming urge to get out—nothing in my life felt right anymore. I needed air, I needed space, I needed to feel . . .”