Page 19 of Stay Here Forever

But Victoria provided the crack in my armor, and by some miracle that very day, you reappeared in my life. And over the past fortnight, whether you knew it or not, you’ve helped heal me by bringing me back to myself. You helped me rediscover my interests and feel curious about life again. You allowed me an excuse to get out and enjoy the beauty of the season. But most importantly, you made me feel that I am someone worthy of attention and respect. You asked for my opinions and valued my thoughts when I shared them. You made me feel seen, like a whole person once again.

Luke, you’ve helped me realize that the man I believed I was in love with was only a mirage because you embody all the things he never could. You are a man of integrity and responsibility. You are kind and treat others around you with dignity and regard.

Luke had to pause, overcome by the way Audrey saw him. The path before him was clear: He needed to be the man of integrity that she believed him to be and decline the assignment to India. There were other ways to do good work from England, and he wanted to stay here with Audrey. Because she, too, had brought him back to life, helping him emerge from the numbness of grief and the horrors of war. Because of Audrey, he was finding purpose again.

He needed to keep reading.

I am no longer confused about what I feel or what it is that I want moving forward. I won’t pretend that I might not slip back into entrenched patterns of thinking from time to time, but I can honestly say I don’t feel anything real for Rufus anymore. And I know that because when he finally materialized beneath that willow, rather than wanting to run to him, I only wanted longer with you.

Though a mere few weeks have passed, I know that I love you, Luke. I’m willing to take this as slowly as you need, and I will never ask to replace Inez in your heart, but hope that I may have a place there beside her. I want you for all that you are, and not as a way to forget Rufus. If you are willing to take a risk and be with the sad spinster, I would love to relinquish that title with you.

All of my love,

Your Audrey

Tears were gathering in Luke’s eyes when he finished. He needed to find her, now. And there would be no hesitation this time. Standing, he turned toward the door and saw Audrey leaning against the entry.

“Well then?” she asked anxiously.

Luke strode across the room, framed her face with his hands, and kissed her as passionately as he knew how.

CHAPTER 12

Audrey was lost to Luke’s kiss. It was exactly what she needed, now and forever. When he pulled back for air, she asked, “I take it you liked the letter?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head, “I loved the letter. Just as I love you, Audrey.”

Tears filled her eyes, and he rushed to kiss the corners of them, like he could kiss them away.

“The way that you see me, I’m sorry I questioned you this morning. And you’ve helped me to live again as well. My grief and the war left me feeling hollowed out, but your love and light has filled the chasm.”

Audrey soaked up every word while leaning into his touch, desperate for the affection she’d craved for so long. “You have nothing to apologize for,” she said, face buried in his neck. “You were right to slow things down this morning. I didn’t have clarity yet, and I was operating from a place of desperation. But Felix’s insights and Rufus’s letter have given me clarity. I wasn’t sure I could trust myself any longer, but what I feel when I’m with you—I no longer have any doubt. This is what love was always meant to feel like. I thought I had felt it before, but I now know that was simply infatuation and the product of my own imagination.”

Luke claimed her lips again and there was no more talking, their feelings being expressed without the need for words. He started gently, his lips moving over hers as he cradled her face in his strong, beautiful hands. Soon those hands were on the back of her head, pulling her closer as his kiss became fevered, like he’d never be satiated. She responded with equal fervor, unwilling to let him go.

He began working on the fastenings of her dress, and Audrey knew they wouldn’t be stopping this time. Ever so slowly, items of clothing fell to the floor as they stumbled back into the bedroom together. Audrey reveled in every touch, every soft kiss, still in disbelief that she had the love she’d always desired right in front of her. No more waiting or imagining that he was a man who would take care of her, Luke valued her and showed her with every gentle action.

Falling into the bed together, she reached for him, desiring to feel every inch of his skin next to hers. Experiencing the intimacy she’d always wanted was almost too much to handle. She would have been content to simply kiss him forever, knowing that he was hers. But as he moved his hands slowly over her body, eager to explore every part of her, he set her on fire. And suddenly she needed more.

Though not a novel experience for Audrey, everything with Luke felt new. The tender regard he had for her as he kissed across her collar bones sent her writhing beneath him—the reverent way he nuzzled behind her knee—all of it intensified as he moved across her body until she couldn’t stand it any longer, needing to feel as close to him as humanly possible, needing for them to be one at last.

Audrey didn’t know if she’d ever experience another moment so beautiful, so perfect. She felt completely loved at last, that she was enough. Running her fingers through his hair and watching him sleep, she felt blessed that everything had changed. Looking back, Audrey wasn’t sure what she had been clinging to so desperately. Maybe it wasn’t Rufus so much as the idea that someone cared for her. But now she had this beautiful man who had always appreciated her and treated her right, even when she couldn’t see the value of it.

Quietly rolling out of the bed so as not to disturb Luke, Audrey donned his dressing gown and wandered in search of a drink. She puttered around the small preparation area in the flat and was able to compose a serviceable cup of tea. Strolling back into the sitting room, she set the tea on the desk and smiled as she lovingly ran her fingers over the pages of the letter she’d written him. She was glad she’d decided to write out her feelings. It was often easier for her to convey her thoughts in writing rather than in conversation, they never came out clearly when she tried to find the right word in the moment.

Audrey was about to step away when something out of place caught her eye. The piece of paper on the bottom had handwriting different from her own. She shifted through the sheets and, before realizing what she was doing, read the letter, the contents leaving her cold.

Was Luke headed for India? Clearly, this was his next directive from the Foreign Office. Hands shaking, she picked it up and reread the lines to be sure she wasn’t misinterpreting them.

No, she hadn’t misunderstood. Her entire body went numb, old fears surfacing, a sense of panic rising in her chest, making her feel like she was choking. He was going to leave. Once again, she wasn’t enough to stay for, to commit to. How had she allowed herself to be deceived yet again?

But this was Luke, she needed to stop and think rationally. He’d always treated her well, he was not Felix or Rufus. Surely there was an explanation.

“There you are.” Luke’s voice from behind made her jump, and he let out a small chuckle as he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He wrapped his arms around her but must have felt her stiffness, as he immediately pulled back.

“What’s wrong?” He was peering into her eyes, his own crinkled in concern.

Audrey swallowed and silently held up the page. “You’re leaving?”