Page 17 of Built to Last

“Yeah, we did,” I agreed. “But Kyle didn’t. His family is Catholic and, you know.”

“I know,” Sam nodded grimly.

I winced as the worst of my memories resurfaced. I really didn’t want to talk about any of this, especially not with my fantasy about Kyle and Marco getting together and living happily ever after still fresh in my brain, but I was in too deep to cut the story short now.

“I really liked him,” I admitted quietly, staring at the desktop and avoiding Sam’s astute gaze. “We were kind of perfect for each other. We liked the same things, had the same ambition to own a business, both played on the college baseball team. And despite neither of us having any experience to speak of, the sex was good, too. We could have been amazing together.”

“But?” Sam prompted me.

I sighed. “But he wasn’t ready to come out, and I didn’t want to be stuck in a secret relationship. So I broke things off.”

“That sucks,” Sam said, which was as close as he came to giving me a massive brotherly hug and letting me cry on his shoulder.

“It more than sucked, because Kyle was pissed off that I broke up with him,” I went on. “He said I didn’t understand and that I needed to give him more time.”

“Did you?” Sam asked. “Understand and/or need to give him more time.”

I shrugged. “How the fuck am I supposed to know? I was twenty, horny, and completely mentally unprepared to carry someone else’s psychological burden. Especially since I’d started helping Mom and Dad out here more.”

“I get it,” Sam said, relaxing into his chair again. “That’s a huge ask for a twenty-year-old.”

“Other than baseball, I didn’t think Kyle would ever be a part of my life again,” I went on. “But here we are.”

“And all those old feelings are back?” Sam guessed.

“I fucking hate feelings,” I answered without really answering.

Sam huffed a laugh. “Don’t we all.”

“It would have been fine if it was just the two of us bickering over a construction site,” I continued. “But now Marco the adorable and fuckable shop owner has come along and I⁠—”

I didn’t know how to finish the sentence. I didn’t want to finish the sentence. I was competitive enough that admitting I was about to lose out on the chance to rewrite history and make things right with the man I could have built a life with was too miserable to contemplate.

“Are Kyle and Marco dating?” Sam asked, brow pinched in confusion. “Is Kyle out now?”

“I don’t know and I don’t think so,” I said glumly. “Marco is definitely interested, though. He hinted as much already, and I don’t see how anyone could resist Marco.”

“You’ve resisted him,” Sam pointed out.

“Because he reminds me of Diccon. If he didn’t, god only knows what I’d do.”

“Fair enough,” Sam said, nodding. “But all you know is that Marco is interested in Kyle. You don’t know if those feelings are reciprocated. And I would be willing to bet a root beer that Kyle is still very much in the closet.”

“Which is a whole other problem,” I said. “Because I still don’t want to get involved with someone who isn’t willing or able to have a normal, out relationship with me.”

“I think you’re right about that,” Sam said. “Those kinds of relationships are terrible, and they never end well.”

“I don’t want that,” I said with way more emotion than I should have. “I want what you and Brian have, what Diccon and Theo have. I want to go to bed with someone and wake up with them. I want to share hopes and dreams and grow old with someone and—god, when did I get so sappy and heteronormative?”

Sam laughed. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting a stable, fulfilling relationship. Humans were meant to be together with other humans. And I suspect that Kyle feels all the same things you do and more.”

“Which his why he’ll end up playing house and making a life together with Marco,” I muttered.

“Why him and not you?” Sam asked.

“Because Marco is so…cute.”

“And you’re not?”