Page 57 of The New Earl’s Convenient Wife

Could she lie with him—for he still needed an heir—live with him, talk over household and estate business, knowing his heart was elsewhere?

It was one thing to accept she would have only his respect and affection when she would also be his sole partner. Quite another to subsist on warmth and honour when she knew his passion was being spent on another.

Could she share him? The prospect was so revolting, she had to push it away.

She might create a furious scene, demanding he give Thalia up. But that would likely only alienate Rafe and cause them both embarrassment once Society learned of the disagreement, as with whispering servants and a tidbit of gossip that juicy, sooner or later, it inevitably would.

Not that she would care about being ostracized. But she didn’t think she could survive setting in motion something that might lead to a permanent estrangement between them.

What cut deepest, though, was she’d thought…hoped…he might have come to not just like, but to love her. Not in the manner of a Grand Passion; she couldn’t expect that. But in a warm and cherishing way that, with children shared between them, would be enough. More than enough.

Had she ever encountered the lady before tonight, though, she might well have held out against marrying Rafe. What man could forget such incandescent beauty?

How could someone like her compare? How to entice him enough for him to generate even some small bit of love?

She forced herself to take a shuddering breath, then another. She must stop torturing herself with useless speculation and pull her shattered self back together. She must talk with Rafe and discern how he truly felt about the lost love who had suddenly careened back into his life.

She couldn’t address the matter directly, of course. Perhaps, after apologizing for leaving the ball without waiting for him, she could ask if he’d chatted with anyone interesting while she was gone. Perhaps, after the initial shock, he’d recovered his composure and would tell her about the meeting, reassuring her the relationship was well in the past. Pass off the encounter with a jest framed in army terms about being ambushed by an enemy one thought vanquished, but who’d been beaten off once again.

Might he even say that, after the shock and remembered pain, he’d felt…nothing?

Reassuring as that speculation was, it was unlikely. In a thousand years, she would never get to the point of feeling ‘nothing’ about Rafe, even if she never saw him again.

Still, this had to be faced. After telling him she felt better and apologizing for abandoning him, she’d inquire further about the ball. If he mentioned the encounter, admitted regret and a lingering pain while reassuring her about the strength of their own relationship, she would know her fears were groundless.

But if he omitted any mention of Lady Altorn, if he acted strained or uncomfortable, she would know the cosmic collision had created a seismic shift in their relationship.

What would she do if there had been?

She had no idea. But lying here, staring sleeplessly as the fire in the grate burned down to faint glowing embers, she was filled with foreboding.