Page 91 of Solo

“You disappoint me, Kate.”

My heart swells in my chest. I can’t believe how deeply those four words hurt. I take a deep breath and try not to succumb to the sickening feeling that’s suddenly taken over my gut.

“What did I do?” I whisper.

“You exercised incredibly poor judgment.”

“On the Dvořák? I can change what I’m doing in that section…”

“Him.”

“What? Who?” I ask, my brows arching in confusion. But he doesn’t respond. And then I know. “Russell—” I begin but he cuts me off.

“I saw him backstage at rehearsal the other night. I saw the way he looked at you, and the way you responded. And then that bullshit about Daniel Gillies coming up here to visit? Drew brought him here to see you conduct. Drew! Drew who, not one month ago, was telling a room full of professors that he couldn’t wait for you to graduate and get the hell out of here. And now he’s getting one of the hottest conductors in the country to come and scout you? Jesus Christ, Kate, he might as well be wearing a neon sign that says ‘I’m fucking my student!’”

I gasp, totally taken aback by the ferocity in his tone and the disdain on his face.

“Russell!” I object. “Please, you don’t understand—”

“I’ve done my best to defend you—no, to protect you from Drew Markham,” he spits at me, his face growing more crimson by the second.

“Russell, I know about Casey. Drew told me all about her. About the two of them. And you—”

“Drew? Well that sounds very cozy now, doesn’t it! And did Drew tell you that he killed my daughter?”

I feel my breath catch in my throat.

“I…I thought she committed suicide,” I stammer in confusion.

His normally placid expression twists into a sordid sneer.

“Oh, make no mistake about it, Kate, he drove her to do what she did. It was all his fault. And now he’s after you.”

“Russ, he’s not ‘after’ me. I—I think I love him…”

The words are out of my mouth before I can blink. I slam a hand over my mouth, as if trying to prevent further declarations of love from slipping out.

Russ throws his head back and laughs.

“You love him? Then you’re a fool, Kate, because he doesn’t love you. He just wants to torment me!”

I think my professor has gone off the deep end. I open my mouth to say something, but he cuts me off, shaking his head emphatically.

“No. I absolutely forbid it.”

He did not just say that.

“I’m sorry? You forbid what, exactly?”

“You. Him. This travesty that you think is love. I won’t stand by and watch another young woman fall victim to Drew Markham.”

I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and hold out a hand in the universal gesture for “hold your fucking horses!”

“Okay, Russ, let’s just walk this back now. You have no idea what he’s done for me in this last month. How he’s been there for me when I’ve needed him. And Russ, I do have feelings for him. No matter how much you’d like to, you can’t forbid it. It just…is.”

“Oh, Kate, Kate, you don’t know what it is you’re feeling! How could you? He’s playing you.”

“And what, Russell? You’re going to ground me if I continue seeing him?”