Page 54 of Solo

I consider lying to him, but I just don’t have the energy. Or the desire, for that matter.

“I couldn’t afford the application fee,” I admit softly. I don’t know why, but this makes me feel ashamed. He senses it.

“Oh, Katherine. I’m sorry. Was it very expensive?”

I feel unbidden tears pricking at my eyelids and I blink rapidly to stave them off.

“It was two hundred dollars.”

The words come out as a whisper and I feel his arm tighten around me even more.

“It might as well have been a thousand, right?”

I nod, not trusting myself to speak without choking up. The truth is that I am embarrassed. Embarrassed that I work so hard and still, in the end, it came down to a choice between applying for the opportunity of a lifetime…and eating. A month’s worth of ramen noodles and Kraft mac and cheese.

“Did you ask for a waiver?” he pries gently.

I nod. “Yes.”

“And they turned you down,” he surmises.

I nod again.

He doesn’t ask again so I swallow hard and offer. “It’s the name. My name. No admissions office is going to believe that I have financial challenges so long as I’m the daughter of a senator. Especially that particular senator. They weren’t going to do me any favors, even if I provided proof of financial need, which I didn’t. I couldn’t do that to my father—air our dirty laundry like that. Let people know how disconnected we are.”

I feel Drew stiffen behind me but he doesn’t comment.

“So,” I continue, finally managing to swallow the lump in my throat, “I decided I’d finish up here and take the summer and fall to work as much as I can. I’ll take lessons with Russell privately and—so long as the Corolla keeps running and I don’t run into any unexpected expenses—I should have the cash to audition in the fall or early spring. It’s a good plan. A sensible plan,” I inform him, though we both know I’m just reassuring myself that I’ve made the right decision. “Not that it matters at this point, my window of opportunity has passed. Even if I could, by some miracle, get into the program, the scholarship funds have all been allocated by now.”

“Did Russ know about this?”

“Yes.”

“And he didn’t help you?” I’m surprised by the harshness of his tone.

“Help me what?”

“Katherine, he could have easily loaned you that money. Two hundred dollars is nothing to him.”

I flip over onto my back again so that he’s looking into my eyes. I need for him to hear this.

“He did offer, Drew. He offered to cover it. He offered to loan it. He offered to call on my behalf and get them to waive it. I refused every offer he made.”

He looks stunned. “What? Why would you do that?

“Because I can take care of myself,” I say simply. “If I couldn’t pay for it on my own, or get a waiver on my own, then it just wasn’t going to happen.”

He nods his understanding and I’m relieved that I don’t have to lay out all the reasons why it has to be this way.

“Well, Miss Brenner, I have to say you’ve done a damn good job of taking care of yourself so far,” he says as he reaches down to stroke my cheek with his thumb. “Very, very impressive.”

This makes me smile so wide that I feel my eyes crinkle.

“Dr. Markham, I think that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

And I mean it.

Chapter Twenty-Five