Page 61 of Axe Marks the Spot

“I’m not looking for a full-time, live-in submissive,” I refute, which is true. While I love what I do, living the lifestyle twenty-four seven with someone has never been what I imagined for myself, not even if I decided to settle down someday. A twenty-four seven dynamic is a massive commitment. It demands constant time, attention, and energy from both partners. It’s not just about control; it’s about caretaking, management, emotional stewardship. You’re essentially becoming responsible for someone else’s routine, mental state, and growth every hour of the day, not just during scenes. I don’t think it’s something Lindsey would want, either, especially with the added responsibility of Kas.

“I never said anything about a twenty-four seven live-in submissive.” Fox smirks. “I said in-person scenes. I know you know there’s a difference.”

My brain rewinds the conversation, and he’s right. When I don’t speak, Fox places his hand on my shoulder and squeezes.

“When was the last time you did an in-person scene with someone?”

“Over a year,” I answer honestly.

Fox dips his chin, and I don’t see any judgment in his eyes. “Because you don’t want to?”

“Life, work; it’s been busy. Starlight Haven is small, and I don’t want to risk people talking. Usually, I’ll drive to Los Angeles when I have the desire, which was the last time I did an in-person. The scene was fine, but it wasn’t fulfilling. Since then, I’ve found my work to be enough.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself. Everything you’re saying makes sense. I only asked because I think you forget you have needs.”

“I don’t want to use this person simply for my sexual needs.”

Fox grunts. “I didn’t mean to imply that. But Dane, you give and you care for so many people, but who is taking care of you?”

His line of questioning reminds me of my questions to Lindsey.

“I take care of myself,” I say simply.

“You do, and I’m not saying you don’t do it well. You’re one of the most put-together and well-adjusted people I’ve ever met. But you know I’ve always taken issue with Domming being your main source of work. You need real-life connection to keep yourself sane and fulfilled in all areas of your life, not just sexually.”

Now I’m the one grunting. “I hear what you’re saying, but I haven’t had this issue before. I haven’t thought of my clients in this way or needed an in-person connection to keep me grounded. I have my routines for that.”

“Exercise and work are good, but they don’t replace what I’m talking about, and you’re smart enough to know that.”

I run my hand over my beard, jaw tense from clenching it. I know that’s true, but I’m fighting it. “Even if you’re right, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m thinking of a client in a way I shouldn’t. In a way I can’t think about them.”

“And what way is that?”

I run my tongue over my teeth. “You’re going to make me say it?”

“Do I have to ask you to use your words?”

“You’re a bastard sometimes, you know that?”

“You’re the one who came to me for advice. Morgan is nicer.”

My eyes shift to Fox. He’s watching me like a predator watching his prey. I exhale and say what I shouldn’t but know I need to get out.

“Like they could be more.”

He nods slightly in approval of my words. “And you think they wouldn’t want that?”

“They came to me for help, to structure their life and build discipline.”

“You said that you believe them to be attracted to you as well. That tells me your feelings are not one-sided, yet now you’re having me believe they are. Which is it?”

I think of all my interactions with Lindsey. The comments she left on my videos that started our interactions, the “tingly” feeling she mentioned in her email, the way she looked at me and called me Sir so easily at the park the other day, her admission of wanting to kneel in front of me and ease my disappointment with her smart mouth.

I blow out a breath. “No, I don’t think they’re one-sided.”

“Then you’re getting in your own way. Wanting this person, being attracted to them, it’s not a crime or a sin. If you were some creep who collected subs online for your own perverted pleasure, that would be one thing, but you’re not that. You’re a good man, and a good Dom. Stop beating yourself up over what you’re telling me is a mutual attraction. It sounds like what you need to do is speak with them and rewrite your agreement, if that’s what you both want. That way, the lines will no longer be blurred.”

I ruminate over his words and know he’s right. I’ve spent so much time building my business, making sure my submissives are safe and cared for with me. I never want anyone to feel as if I’ve crossed a line or that I’m what Fox said: an anonymous man on the internet who gets off on telling people what to do. I’ve never been that and never wanted to be that.