Page 21 of Axe Marks the Spot

The blanket I pulled over my body at the beginning of the email is on the floor. My chest rises and falls, my breathing heavier than usual. I guess I’m not breaking rules already by getting turned on by this, which is good.

Because I don’t think I could stop the reactions I’m having. My body feels as if it’s been lit on fire, and for the first time since I read his email this morning, I’m questioning if maybe I’m considering this only because I’m lonely and horny.

Like I did in the bath earlier, I read his email again and again to make sure that’s not why, fully absorbing what he says he offers. Discipline and accountability, structure and routine, stress relief and mental unloading, chore enforcement. Those are all things I’ve been struggling with and need help with. When I imagine him supporting me with these goals and receiving praise from him for it, it makes me feel…calm. For the first time in a long time. Maybe ever, if I’m truly being honest with myself.

There are some things I don’t really understand, but I’m sure he’ll explain them to me. Like etiquette and obedience and protocol training. I also know I’ll spend the rest of my night looking up those things on the website he linked.

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s research. I was at the top of my nursing class. I like information, and I like to be good at whatever it is I’m doing.

I’m not just considering this because it turns me on; I’m considering this because I do think it will better my life—and, by proxy, Kas’s—in so many ways.

I lift my gaze from my phone and look around my A-frame cabin that’s sparsely decorated and filled with secondhand furniture I got thrifting. It’s two floors and a loft, the layout simple like most A-frame cabins in the area. When I moved in, I had so many dreams of how to fix it up. I wanted to paint the walls from the beige color they are now to a white. I wanted to redecorate the loft above my room into a reading nook for me and a gaming nook for Kas. I wanted to get a pontoon boat or something to have at the dock. Make it our own little oasis.

While we haven’t lived here long, only two years now, I could have at least painted the walls. But one thing after another got in the way.

My attention drops back to my phone, to DomInTheWoods’s email. Yes, I do think I need this. What’s more, I want it. I want structure, accountability, and routine. I want to feel like I did a good job when I go to sleep each night. I don’t want to feel…well, how I feel now. Tired, overworked, and stressed. I want to feel how I felt while journaling. How I felt reading DomInTheWoods’s formal emails. I want to be calm and unburdened.

I hit reply and send an email back to him with the written consent he requested. It isn’t until my head hits the pillow a while later that he emails me back.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Date: July 17, 12:30AM

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Questions (This is WhyAmIHere33)

Lindsey,

I’m so happy you want to continue and that you sent an email back so quickly. It shows me how willing and eager you are to work with me. I think we will fit together quite well.

Please see the attached questionnaire and answer the questions after a night of rest. Do not do these now if you are still awake, which I have a feeling you are. I want you to have a clear heart and mind, as these questions are important to our success together and require honest thought.

I’d like to note that there is a section of the questionnaire that includes questions of a sexual nature. You are not required to answer them if you don’t feel comfortable. The reason I include these is that, as mentioned in the services I offer, some clients seek support in working through blocks or anxieties related to intimacy, desire, or submission—particularly within their personal relationships or dynamics outside the professional one they share with me.

While I do not offer sex or submission/punishments involving sex, understanding how someone relates to those aspects can be valuable in supporting their personal growth and goals. These questions are entirely optional, and you’re encouraged to skip anything that doesn’t feel aligned with your goals.

Sleep well.

- DomInTheWoods

I read over the email, my heart pounding like I find it does every time I get a message from him, and reply back.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Date: July 17, 12:32AM

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Questions (This is WhyAmIHere33)

DomInTheWoods,

Do I have a time limit on filling out the questionnaire?

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]