Page 71 of Praising the Pitcher

“Haven, with all due respect, please shut up,” my mom says firmly yet keeping her voice controlled. “You okay, sweetie?”

I know that’s directed at me, so I shrug.

“I don’t know,” I admit. “I … I planned it for before—” I swallow. “Before I fucked everything up. She told me her mom used to give her a snow globe every Christmas and say it was from Santa. I just … I wanted to make the holidays less sad for her. That’s all.”

I had planned to talk to her before the Yankee Swap and tell her how I felt. I wanted to say my reasoning for pushing her toward Benny and explain I thought I was doing her a favor. But then she stayed out with him longer than I thought, only getting back to my house right before the party began. By then, Trent, Cameran, and the kids were already here, and I guess I chickened out.

Now, she’s down the hall, probably reading and pissed at me. I’ve walked past the guest room’s closed door at least ten times. Each time, I reached out to knock before stopping myself.

She probably had a good time with him.

“You told her to go out with Benny after kissing her,” Haven grumbles, and I wait for my mom to scold her for speaking again, but it doesn’t happen. “And yes, dipshit. She told me. We’re friends. Best friends.”

“You did what?” my mom practically hisses. “Dear Lord, Noah. You kissed her, sending some mixed-up fucking signal before telling her to go out with someone else? Dear God, you King men can be so stupid, I swear.”

Finally, I turn my body slightly to look at them, though I cringe.

“I know, okay?” I drag a hand over my face. “D was saying shit about Benny seeming like a good guy.” I wave a hand at my sister. “And then dipshit here said the same thing, and it got in my head.” My shoulders sag. “Mom, she’s got enough going on in her life with her piece of shit dad trying to ruin her. I didn’t want her to deal with my insecurities too.”

“You don’t think you’re a good guy?” My mom sits up straighter, reaching for my arm.

I look down at my sister’s forest green comforter. Haven never liked pink, instead always choosing green and blue hues for her clothes and décor.

“I think even though I was just a dumb high school kid, what Natalie did stuck with me.” I swallow. “And I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone and project my trust issues into our relationship.” I blow out a breath. “Especially someone like Gigi.”

It’s so quiet in my sister’s room, nothing but the sound of her stupid fan she has to have on, even in December, blowing. Finally, my sister is the one to talk.

“I think you’ve started to fall for her,” Haven says, but there isn’t an ounce of anger or disappointment in her tone. “And it’s the first time since Nat—bitchface—that I’ve seen you actually care about someone instead of just seeing her as a place you can stick your dick.” She cringes. “Sorry, Mom.”

My mom rolls her eyes, but she looks at me with a softness in her gaze.

“Your sister is right—” She stops, grimacing. “Well, about most of it.” She gives my arm a pat. “I think at some point, we all have trust issues. We’ve all been hurt or wronged in some way, shape, or form.” She shrugs, her eyes growing sad. “That doesn’t mean we just give up. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have given your dad a chance. Cameran wouldn’t have learned to trust Trent after all the pain she’d been through with her ex. And Lane would have spent his life alone, convincing himself he didn’t deserve to be loved again after all that happened to him in high school.”

I know she’s right. And to be honest, all of those problems are far bigger than what I went through, yet I’m the one being a baby. I just care about Gigi so much that I never want to do anything to hurt her. But maybe in doing that, I’m hurting her more.

I look down, inhaling sharply before I stand.

“You’re right,” I utter. “I’m going to go talk to her.”

I’ve only made it two steps when my mom’s voice stops me.

“Well, you won’t find her down the hall, babe.” When I turn to face her, she flashes me an apologetic look. “She was going to take an Uber back to The Nest a bit ago, but since it’s started snowing, your dad insisted on taking her.” She looks at her watch. “He should be back any minute now, which means she’s back on campus.”

I nod quickly, darting from the room but not before I hear my mom’s voice call behind me.

“Drive safe!”

Followed by Haven’s, “Don’t fuck it up, loser!”

I don’t even say anything back because I know she cares. Not just about Gigi, but about me too.

I don’t know what to expect—showing up to her house when I know she left to get away from me in the first place. All I know is, I’m not leaving there until I get everything off my chest.

TWENTY-SIX

GIGI

Even though Haven was less than impressed that I wanted to go back to The Nest, she finally caved and stopped fighting me on it. With one condition though. Her dad drove me instead of an Uber, and if I felt up to it tomorrow, he’d come pick me up and bring me back to their house for Christmas.