Page 51 of Convincing the Catcher

“Sweetie, it’s okay,” she says, patting my back. “I have Auntie here. I promise, you can go. No one expects you to stay in this line and hug all of these people that you probably don’t know.”

Craning my neck to look at her, I keep my cheek against Cane’s body.

“Promise?” I whimper, a few tears rolling down my cheeks, no doubt soaking his shirt.

“Yes, baby.” She nods. “I promise.”

I have no idea why, but her response only makes me cry harder. Soon, Cane is leading us out a back door, and we walk down a hallway until it’s just the two of us in a quiet room.

Taking a seat in a chair, he gently pulls me down onto his lap, and I wrap my hands around his neck before burying my face into his shirt. I use the material to muffle my sobs as his palm rubs circles on my back sympathetically.

My shoulders shake with emotion, and my throat feels raw, like I’ve just had the worst cold in my life, even though I haven’t been sick. My eyes feel puffy, and my cheeks damn near feel crispy because my skin is so dried out. But for as long as it takes, Cane just … holds me. He doesn’t rush me or try to talk. But he holds me tightly and keeps rubbing my back. And even though I can’t stop crying, it helps the pain.

CANE

After what is probably half an hour, Harland’s shaking dissipates, and finally, she lifts her head to look at me. Her nose is red, and her eyes are puffy. She looks so broken, but she’s still the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.

“Will it always feel this way?” she whispers, her voice cracking at the end.

I can’t lie and tell her that it gets easier or that what she’s feeling—that gnawing pain in her gut that she can’t explain or that heaviness in her chest—ever goes away because it doesn’t. Not fully anyway.

“Not this badly,” I whisper, dipping my forehead to hers. “The pain? It will always be there to some degree. But you’ll learn to live with it, and even though it’s there, it won’t be as debilitating. At least not every single day.”

“I just …” She looks down, and when a lone tear runs down her cheek, I swipe my thumb across her skin, capturing it before it has the chance to fall. “I just don’t know how to be me without him.” She shrugs. “And I don’t know how I’m going to go back to NEU and leave my mom here”—she sniffles—“all alone.”

“I know,” I whisper, not having the words. My dad’s been gone since I was a kid, yet I’m still trying to figure it all out. “I may not know your mom that well, but I know she wouldn’t want you to give up everything you’ve worked so hard for. And I know your dad wouldn’t either.”

“I guess,” she says so faintly that I can barely hear her.

“I mean it,” I tell her again before I sigh. “I’m really sorry how we left things the other day.”

When her eyes dance between mine, it’s almost as if her guard goes back up, and quickly, she looks away. It may not be the best time to explain things right now, but I can’t stop myself anyway.

“Hey,” I whisper. “Look at me, Catch.”

When she refuses, my fingers gently clutch her chin and force her to face me.

“If you think for one second that I wouldn’t give anything to be your first, you’re crazy,” I tell her, and instantly, her cheeks turn pink. “Because I would be so fucking honored, Harland. But I respect you too much to take something so special from you during a time when you aren’t thinking clearly.” I move my fingers to her cheek, stroking it lightly. “But I will promise you this: if I ever get lucky enough to be with you, Harland Meadows? I want you to be sure that it’s what you really want. I don’t want to take advantage of you when you’ve just suffered a loss the way that you have.”

She’s quiet again, but I let her take her time saying anything back. The truth is, I hope that when things settle and some time passes, she’ll still want to be with me in that way. Walking away from her when she was asking sucked because of how badly I wanted it.

Wanted her.

“I understand,” she whispers shyly. “I’m sorry that I was so mean to you when you told me no.” She looks down. “I guess I was just hurting, and then when you pushed me away, I—” Her shoulders slump. “I just assumed that it was because of me.”

I force her gaze upward again, dipping my face to hers. “Hey, telling you no? Not giving you what you were asking of me? That was the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever had to do.”

She shifts around nervously. “I mean, I guess I should thank you because, you know, we agreed no romance. And sex … well, that would be breaking the rules.”

“Yeah, I guess it would,” I rasp, and my eyes can’t help but float to her lips.

When my eyes find hers again, she’s looking at me differently, almost desperately, her brows knitting together.

“Cane?” she whispers.

“Yeah, Catch?”

She chews on her lip feverishly before swallowing. “I understand why you won’t have sex with me, and I appreciate it because you’re right—it’s a big deal and I’m not in my right mind.”