Page 88 of All the way home

“I’ve been fine. How about you?” Rena asks, because this is what the social contract requires, but she doesn’t want to know. Sahar could say anything, could spit any number of hostile words at her, and Rena would deserve every single one.

Sahar shrugs. “Uni’s a big adjustment. Graduation was fine. My parents got a cat.”

Slowly, Rena nods.

“Anything other than that I’d probably reserve for good friends,” she says pointedly.

Rena shuts her eyes, feeling sick.

Deserved.

For so long, Sahar had always been willing to give Rena the benefit of the doubt after she said the wrong thing.

Right up until that night. Standing out on the balcony in the evening air. And she’d been absolutely right to retract that patience. Rena remembers all of it: the pleasant caress of the June breeze, the low backdrop of the rest of her graduating class’s celebration rolling out underneath her, the sprawl of Harper’s backyard vibrant green, the lights of the pool glittering.

Every detail has stuck with her, sharp and damning.

When Sahar had found her, she’d been standing at the edge, looking down at the rest of the party, the railing clasped so tightly pins and needles had started to sprout in her fingers.

“So, I guess this is it for you,” Sahar asked from behind her, something wistful in her tone. A year younger than Rena, she was not graduating yet. Every time Rena thought about leaving her behind, a sharp ache nestled under her breastbone. “How does it feel?”

“Bad, mostly.” Rena did not smile.

Sahar did, accompanied by a breathless laugh as she joined Rena at the railing. “I don’t know why I’m surprised. Of course you’d say that.”

Rena gave her a long, searching look.

“I mean, you’ve never liked change,” Sahar said.

This, of course, was true.

Clearing her throat, Rena said, “Change happens whether we like it or not. So, on to the next big adventure.”

“Is Lucas going on it with you?”

“What?” Rena frowned. “Of course. We’re both going to Mount Royal.”

“I know that.” Sahar leaned forward, gripping the railing. “That’s not really what I meant.”

Frown deepening, Rena waited. “And you do mean . . . what, exactly?”

“I just know that this has been the plan for a long time,” Sahar said, speaking slowly and carefully, like she was weighing each word before she released it. “I guess I’ve just been wondering . . . is this really what you want?”

Rena scoffed. “Yes. Of course it is.”

After a long pause, Sahar asked, “Is it?”

“What do you know?” Rena asked sharply. “Is Lucas unhappy? Has he said something to—”

“I don’t think Lucas is unhappy,” Sahar said, with a pointedness that even Rena couldn’t ignore.

Rena stared down at the partygoers, a knot of dismay tightening at the base of her throat. From where she stood, she could see Kieran and Lucas roughhousing by the pool.

“I’m happy,” Rena said stoutly. “Very.”

Sahar said nothing.

“What?” Rena demanded at last. “I am.”