Page 60 of All the way home

Smiling delightedly, he touched a hand to her cheek. “Forget Siobhan. What do you think it means?”

She opened her mouth and then faltered. All afternoon, she’d been thinking about it and had narrowed it down to roughly four points—non-exhaustive—but it was harder to think with his face so close.

So she sat back. “I think it is about how sad you would be if they died. If you were nonfunctional after their death, you probably love them.”

It had been Kieran on her mind when she’d been making this list, since he was the one person she had loved without question for her whole life and would doubtlessly continue to love for as long as they were both alive. Maybe even after, though they’d discussed this at length and agreed it was better to plan for that not to be an issue.

“It’s also affected by how you feel when you’re with them. If you’re happier than you are alone.”

“I see your point.”

Counting out the last two on her fingers, Rena pressed on. “If you’d help them at great inconvenience to yourself, and you feel sad when they are sad, as though it’s your sadness, you probably love them.”

The last two were also about Kieran, which meant Rena was missing a vital point, since she was nearly certain that she and Lucas were discussing romantic love, not platonic or familial. But then, she was also not entirely convinced that any of it was all that different.

“Oh.” Lucas tilted his head precisely the same way his golden retriever did when asked if she wanted a treat. “I guess I love you, then. If that’s what it means.”

Since then, Rena’s perspective on love has changed significantly. It’s a lot more elaborate than her four-point list, ever-expanding now that she’s been exposed to the messier side of it—like loving somebody even after they’ve hurt you on purpose—and how it’s more of a conscious choice than something you stumble into.

All she can think about is the decisive downturn to Lucas’s mouth this morning.

But if you loved me, it wouldn’t even be a question.

He hadn’t meant it.

Probably.

Chapter Nineteen

Zach

“Tell me about yourself? I never know what to say when people ask that.” Zach makes a face. “When we did icebreakers twenty million times back at the beginning of the semester, I thought I was going to die.”

Kieran laughs. “So if I asked you to tell me the most interesting thing about you off the top of your head, you would hate that.”

“I mean, hate is a strong word.”

“Okay, here’s what I know, and you can fill in the blanks.” Counting on his fingers, Kieran says, “You’re an astrophysics major but you don’t want to be an astronaut, you’re minoring in art history, you’ve never been on a plane before, you’re from Owen Sound, and you’re fantastic with kids.”

Cheeks flaring hot, Zach tugs at the paper on his burger once more. “I’m not—I’m fine with kids. I wouldn’t say fantastic.”

“You were awesome with Angie.” Kieran shakes his head. “Don’t sell yourself short. What else is there?”

Sweet Lord. This reminds him of the one and only job interview he’s ever had. At the time, the Bowling Alley in Owen Sound had been run by a mid-thirties aspiring rock star who had spent most of the interview quizzing Zach about his interest in Star Trek and popular culture. Zach had walked away feeling much like he does now: truly and thoroughly uninteresting.

But Kieran is watching him with clear expectancy.

Eyes landing on the half-unwrapped burger, the obvious answer drops into Zach’s head. He reaches for it and pulls the rest of the paper off. “Oh. This one’s peanut adjacent, actually. I’ve died before.”

“You’ve—what?”

“Heart stopped,” Zach explains. “I got jumped back to life, like a robot.”

For a fraction of a second, Kieran’s gone somewhere else between blinks, somewhere far away. But the impression is gone just as quickly. He leans forward, resting his chin on his hand. “What was heaven like?”

“Dark.”

Kieran snorts.