Page 278 of Eight of Swords, Part Two

‘You’re lying, and we both know it because despite whatever you’re telling yourself now, I know you because I love you. You value self-sacrifice above any other kind of bravery, which is why you can’t get past Roman’s death. You think you’re the only one worthy of sacrificing themselves for other people. You think only you get to do that because anything less is failure, but let me tell you something, Lachlan Tanner.’

The snow falls.

The night breathes.

The cold bites.

This was such a monumental mistake.

‘Go on, then.’

‘It’s easy to sacrifice yourself for someone else. What Roman did was an act of pure goodness, absolutely, but he didn’t wrestle with it because dying for someone you love is easy. The damage left in its wake… that’s not easy, and it’s the people left behind who suffer. You see his face when you close your eyes because deep down, you can’t stand knowing what you’ll one day inflict upon us, the people stupid enough to love you,’ Julian tells him, voice steady. ‘Roman Sorrenko’s sacrifice haunts you because you realise now that there’s no lasting honour once the body cools, no golden glory of memory preserved. Only the reality of what a fucking waste it is to die.’

A star is collapsing somewhere inside Lachlan.

He can’t move or speak or even cry.

Jules is right about everything.

Every single word.

Jules moves away from the edge, leaves his quilt behind. ‘I’ll co-operate with Danya,’ he says quietly. ‘I’ll try to be polite to you in front of Mimi. It’s Christmas tomorrow. I don’t want to ruin it for her.’

Lachlan swallows, body numb. ‘Thank you.’

‘But after that, just stay away from me.’

‘I will.’

Jules nods once. ‘Merry Christmas, Bodyguard.’

A bullet would hurt less.

And yet Lachlan deserves so much worse.

Lachlan stays on the roof while snow gathers in his hair and covers the tracks Jules left behind when he went back inside.

‘It’s better this way,’ he tells himself, staring out at the black void of night and nothing and nowhere. ‘It’s better this way.’

Jules is right.

He really is a fucking liar.

✴

Christmas Day is a high-risk day for attack, and Lachlan cannot be spared from duty, but in truth, he’s relieved.

At seven AM, Mimi finds him in the East Wing and runs into his legs wearing a set of new red pyjamas patterned with tiny gold stars.

‘Daddy! It’s Christmas! You weren’t there for wake-up!’

‘I know, princess. I’m sorry.’ He scoops her up for hugs and kisses. ‘I was busy guarding.’

‘I got presents under the tree! You come watch me open them?’

Lachlan sets her down, turning her gently towards the den.

‘I’ll be there in a minute.’