Page 163 of Eight of Swords, Part Two

‘You think I don’t monitor the roof?’

‘Why?’

‘Much as she’s a bitch, she is your family. You’re old enough now to—’

‘No. This is as good as it gets for me.’

‘There’s a whole world out there for you to see. Other places.’

‘I don’t care.’

‘You used to love reading maps. You had all these plans as a kid—’

‘And then you destroyed them,’ Riley interrupts dispassionately. ‘You destroyed me and my dreams and whatever hope I had of living a life outside these walls. My earliest memory is being barefoot in the snow and that taste of freedom was the closest I ever got to it. No matter what you tell yourself… you did that. You chose to raise me the way you did. You made me into an animal that can’t survive anywhere but in captivity.’

Troy stands. ‘Riley. This was always temporary. You’re an adult now.’

‘I’m as useless as a child. All I’ll ever be to anyone is a burden and the only person I feel no guilt about inflicting that on is you.’

‘Things are gonna change soon.’

‘I don’t want anything to change. Change is bad. It’s always bad and painful and bloody and I don’t want it.’

‘Drop the sulky bullshit right now!’ Troy threatens. ‘I let it go after the warehouse. I figured you needed time, but you’ve only gotten worse.’

‘There’s nothing for me except this.’

‘You can go to France with her. I’ll help you.’

‘Just go away.’

‘It’s time for you to make your own way in the world, that’s what I’m saying. You always wanted freedom and now—’

‘Now it scares me more than anything,’ Riley whispers. ‘You did that.’

‘You can blame me for everything all your life, hate me till the fuckin’ cows come home, Riley, but don’t do this. Don’t let yourself rot behind these walls just to spite me.’

‘I’ll never see anything but walls.’

‘Riley—’

‘Walls are all I have. Stone. Brick. Chains.’

Troy slaps him.

Riley’s skin hardly even registers pain anymore.

‘Go on. Beat me to death,’ he whispers gently. ‘Lock me in and shut off the water. Burn the place to the ground. I don’t care anymore. Do you understand? Kill me, leave me, sell me, gut me. It’s all the same. Nothing’s real. Nothing matters.’

‘You matter!’

‘No,’ Riley corrects with total conviction. ‘I don’t. I was never a part of the world, and it won’t miss me when I leave it. No one will. I’m a ghost. A rumour. Invisible. Nothing. Nobody.’

Troy’s anger has no outlet.

His cheeks are stained red, eyes bright.

‘That’s what you think, huh?’