Page 239 of Eight of Swords, Part One

‘How could you not tell me?’

‘There are things I physically can’t tell you, Kade. I would if I could.’

‘I don’t believe you,’ Kade says thickly, insides tearing at themselves. ‘You’re all I knew of love in this world and you… did you only take care of me to take care of yourself? Is this it? Were you dying and I was the best you could do?’

‘Kade—’

‘Have you just been stuck with me all this time?’

‘Yes, OK? Yes, we’ve been stuck this whole time, you and me. It hurts when we’re apart, physically agonising. I heal your injuries, I feel everything. All those attacks in the tunnel, you getting stabbed, your eardrums…’ Riley winces, shaking his head. ‘We’ve been stuck this way for seven years, but I love you and I tried my best to take care of you. I know I failed. I know that it wasn’t good enough. What happened to you was my fault, Kade,’ Riley says in a rough, low way while tears fill his eyes. ‘It was my fault, and I don’t know how th—’ He grimaces as if in pain, rephrases. ‘How any of this happened. You’re stuck with me and it’s my fault. I wanted the book to see if Céliane was being honest and there really is no way to break it.’

‘She said you can’t break it without dying.’

‘Céliane told me the same.’

‘How long have you known?’

‘Always.’

‘Were you here in the Tower like Lachlan said? When… when the little girl was killed? When I…?’ Kade lifts a hand to touch the metal plate.

Riley looks away. ‘Stop it.’

‘Did you watch?’

‘I said stop.’

‘Did you even try to help?’

‘You don’t understand.’

‘Then make me understand!’ he bursts out. ‘You owe me that at least!’

‘I wanted to…’ Riley’s mouth closes like someone shut it for him and Riley, in a rare display of frustration, snarls. Kade feels the red bloom of resentful rage inside his own body, the way skin feels fire even from a distance. ‘Fuck.’

Kade goes to Riley’s dresser, searching for pen and paper.

‘You can write it, then!’ he insists. Scouring through Riley’s things is unspeakably rude. Riley is the boss, he runs Iron Star, best friend cannot come before that, so Kade is just the best and “friend” is said in silence, like a codeword, like a secret, secrets everywhere, hidden and burrowed and built into the walls of this whole fucking—

‘Kade.’

Riley is standing in front of him, palm over his heart. ‘It’s OK, just breathe. You’re all right. Don’t spiral. It’s gonna be OK.’

Kade looks down at his hand, currently full of lightweight chains, cuffs on both ends. He’s pulled them out of the drawer and didn’t even realise.

‘Oh.’ He blushes violently. ‘God. I’m so sorry.’

He hasn’t seen Riley so much as kiss another person in all the time he’s known him, let alone tie or be tied, but there’s no denying what these are and why they’re in his bedside drawer. Kade drops them like they’re poisonous.

Riley picks them up, puts them back, patient and calm once more.

‘It’s fine.’

‘I didn’t know you like—’

‘I don’t. They’re just necessary.’

Kade sways on his feet, wants to cry and scream until the titanium cracks and the glass shatters and the earth splits so the core will know he needs answers, truth, justice. He wants to scream until the lightning strikes this tower and all the lies are unmade.