Page 51 of The Boy Bride

Lill blinked in surprise. Why would he offer that?

“Glad you changed your mind. With me.”

“O-oh. Well … I thought it was hard enough for you to talk to me … It didn’t seem … ”

Vanu smiled. “Thanks.” He pointed to the scar on his throat. “When I was thirteen. Arrow.”

Lill gaped. “An arrow? You were shot in the throat? You must have been lucky to live!”

“Very. Just lost my voice—mostly. Can’t speak louder than this. Don’t like to talk, either. Tiring. Hurts. Don’t like the way it sounds.” He shrugged. “Stubborn. Thought—” He broke off, hand going to his throat again. “I beg your pardon. I tend to use the fewest possible words when I have to speak aloud. I thought someone would have explained all this to you, about my voice, but I should have made sure. I apologize. It must have made you uneasy. Me not talking.”

“No! I—I mean, it’s not your fault. Someone ought to have told me.” Quite a few people, starting with Arsha in Torakand, ought to have thought of mentioning it. “You don’t have to force yourself to talk more or differently than you usually do. I don’t mind. Also, I was thinking—if you sign at the same time as you speak aloud, as you were doing a moment ago, it will help me pick up the hand language. I’d like to. I’ve heard that⁠—”

He stopped himself, realized he’d been about to launch into a recital of everything he’d heard about Tsuruva and its residents and their unique language, and remembered that he and Vanu were supposed to be consummating their marriage.

“I suppose we … should … ” He gestured vaguely.

Vanu raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? Sort of seemed like we shouldn’t, there.”

“Oh? Oh.” They’d come back to that; of course they had. Vanu had stopped touching Lill because Lill had told him to stop. It had never occurred to Lill that he would.

“Could tell you were nervous. Scared, maybe? Thought you were having a good time too, though. Until you weren’t. Is it that you don’t like men? Or sex? Or just me?”

It was all of those things and more. It was that he was terrified he might like all three. How could he possibly answer that question? He didn’t try.

“Please. You should continue. Don’t worry about what I … ”

Vanu’s face has gone stern, all the good humour gone out of it.

“What you want? Nah. Done that before. Taken men who didn’t want it. What you do to enemies in defeat, sometimes.” He looked away for a moment, then added, “Been taken that way, too—not by the enemy, mind. Long time ago. Before I got big. You ever … ? Is that why?”

“N-no, I … no, nothing like that.”

“Good. Won’t happen.”

This was a disaster. Gurti had made it very clear that they were not truly married until Vanu had fucked him. The seed and the flowing and all of that. And the marriage was part of the mission.

Lill’s hands were shaking as he untied the knots holding his trousers together. He slid them down his legs and off. He was making a shambles of this, and he had to regain control of the situation. He felt Vanu’s gaze on him, rather pointedly directed toward his private member, which was limp beyond any possibility of revival.

“Not in the mood myself anymore, either,” Vanu said. His voice was gentle again.

“Oh. I am sorry, my lord.”

“Don’t be sorry. Don’t call me ‘my lord,’ either.”

“What … would you like me to call you?” He hadn’t been using a title at all up until now, he realized with some shock. He’d been babbling away about languages as if to an equal.

“Vanu,” said Vanu, dryly. He made a sign: right hand with fingers curled like claws or teeth, left behind it, fingers spread, like a lion’s mane. “We’ve got one for you, too.” He sketched an S-curve with his right hand and made the sign for “little” with his left.

Lill suddenly felt his throat close up, tears gathering behind his eyes. He didn’t know what it was. He felt as if he was in free-fall. He was so confused.

“You know you were drugged,” Vanu said.

Lill nodded, swallowed hard, got control of himself again. “Yes. That is, I didn’t until I heard Na Gurti telling you—but it explains a lot.”

“Yeah. You’re probably still feeling off.”

“I—I probably am.”