Page 36 of 72 Hours

“Tomorrow,” came his murmur. He didn’t move away from the doorway, though.

I rolled away to face the wall, protecting my bad arm this time. Wished I had some more of those elephant tablets. I could feel his eyes on me; I could smell the soft cleanliness of soap on his skin. I knew how his thin shirt would feel against my fingers if I moved to peel it off over his head. I knew how his dark hair would spring back on his head and then fall forward on to his brow again. I knew how his deep-hued eyes would flash at me as I pushed his torso back against the pale cotton sheet.

I remembered too, too many words in the darkness.

“Get some sleep,” I said, a little hoarsely.

Let me be.

I ROLLED OVER ON TO my back and sighed. It beat holding my breath. The trying to sleep was still a big fail, even after another hour or so. And Niall was at my doorway again. He’d been there for the last few minutes. I turned my head to acknowledge him. “Hey, you. Can’t you sleep?”

“No.” This time, he stepped into the room. His breath seemed loud in the silence. “But then, neither can you.”

I smiled to myself. He was damned right. “The wound’s nagging me, I guess.”

“It might be leaking. I’ll dress it again.”

He sat carefully on the edge of my bed, so I had to roll over further to give him space. He already held the bandages, and his movements were smooth and efficient. I watched his hands work, long fingers wrapping the cloth around me, palms brushing against my bare skin. “Very little leakage,” he said. “It’s healing well.”

It didn’t hurt very much at all now, but I didn’t reply. My tongue felt thick in my mouth. That, or someone had cauterised my vocal chords in the last two minutes.

“When you were hit,” he said, and then paused. “Shit.”

I grimaced in the dim light, trying to see his expression.

“It was shock, obviously,” he said, as if he talked to himself. “I don’t know why else I felt so bad.”

Huh?

“Three months, Tanner. I’ve not seen you for three months. Now I see you for a couple of days, under protest, for God’s sake, both of us uncomfortable with it all, both of us really pissed....”

“Yeah,” I said, my tongue having returned to life. “Ditto.”

“But I didn’t expect to feel this way.” He was looking away from me now, the unused roll of white bandage forgotten on his lap. His head tilted back, and I saw the silhouette of his throat as he swallowed. “I never thought being here with you would be this hard.”

“Niall,” I said. Rather ironically for me, I was beginning to realise just how hard it wasn’t. “Did you do that? When I went down. Did you cover me with your body?”

He was silent for a moment. He pressed his hands on his thighs and the mattress shifted under him. “There could have been more than one shot. I didn’t know how badly you’d been hit. You were an open target there on the ground.”

Explanations. But not excuses.

“It was a fucking stupid thing to do,” I said. I don’t think I meant to say it aloud.

Astonishingly, he laughed. “Yes, it was. It was the shock, like I said. I couldn’t believe how I felt when I saw you go down—when I saw your body fold against the bullet.” He looked at me then, and even in the dark I could see his expression. His eyes spoke for him. I thought you were dead.

I pulled myself up to sitting. The clean, fresh binding felt good, and strength was returning to my limbs. He stayed where he was, so we were almost face to face, less than a foot apart. “Guess we’re quits then.”

He looked bemused.

“That’s how I felt when you got stabbed.” I’ll never forgive myself for it. “And I’d have sat up in the night, dressing your wounds, like you’ve done for me. Whatever you needed. I’d have done it, Niall.” Whatever the fuck it took. “Just so happened you wanted some other nurse’s attention.”

“But I didn’t.”

I shrugged as if to say “why are we dragging this up again”?

He shuddered slightly. “Then again, I don’t know if I did. It was a terrible time. I didn’t know what I wanted. It was like everything changed then. Everything was distorted.”

“I thought you said you didn’t want the mission post-mortem again,” I said weakly.