Page 9 of The Tourist

“Ricky? Youneed help in there?”

“I’m coming.”The sound of Dan’s voice prompted a spike of pleasure in my gut. Ibit back my grin and went into the next room—my livingroom-cum-bedroom, it seemed. Just my low double bed, a chair in thecorner, and a rail against the wall for shirts. Guess the bar jobdidn’t make much money.

Somethingteased at the back of my mind. I should have been better off thanthis, shouldn’t I? As far as I remembered, I’d been pretty smart atcollege. Yes, a lot of people described me as a looker, but I feltthere was far more to me. There’d been opportunities, if I’d justhad the chance. What had held me back? Resentment sparked insideme, though I didn’t know where to direct it.

Even when Ishook off the thoughts and turned to Dan, a slight uneasinessremained. He took the beer I offered readily enough, but he wasn’tlooking at the bottle. He was sitting on the edge of my bed andlooking at me.

Well, andhadn’t I just been enjoying exactly the same thing? This time, Idid laugh aloud.

He smiledback, though he looked a bit confused. “You okay?”

“Very okay.” My gaze ran over him, from his tousled,short-cropped hair to the tight muscles I knew were under hisflannel shirt. When he lifted the bottle to his lips and took adeep draught, I watched the swallow ripple down his throat. Hisbroad hand gripped the bottle; his wrist was thick.Strong. My breath hitchedin my chest.

I liked that alot. A strong man, and one who wanted me. And yet, not one who tookadvantage of that—

“Youdrinking, too?” His words interrupted my odd, unruly thoughts, inthat slow, deep voice that I swore I could feel reverberate throughme.

“Sure. Ofcourse.” I dropped down onto the bed beside him, and chinked mybottle against his in a joke salute.

I was havingtrouble concentrating. One reason was because Dan was here in myroom. Here. Imean, shit, what was that about? I was really excited, and not justbecause I hoped we’d be fucking tonight. Soon.

He seemed tofill the room, always in my vision, everywhere I looked. I mean,the room was the size of a human hutch, and Dan was a big guy. Butit was more than that. I could feel the warmth of his body besideme as we sat on the bed, smell his soap which I often shared, hearthe rhythm of his breathing, watch him drinking his beer. And enjoyhis eyes on me—careful, watchful, interested. My dick stirredinside the front of my jeans.

Hungry. Both of us.

We usuallywent back to Dan’s flat, after my sessions at the bar. I knew that,without having to search my host’s memories. It was a bigger place,nearer the bar and his contract manager’s office, too. All thosekinds of sensible reasons. But it felt really good, seeing himhere, showing him off—even if there was no one else looking. God,that sounded stupid. At least it would have, if I’d said it aloud.That was another thing I often had to watch out for, after I’djumped. Keeping my mouth shut until I’d got the lie of theland.

But it seemedI was a happy chatterbox, or Ricky was. At least here, in my flat,on my territory. Where I felt—there was that wordagain—safe.

Marianne wouldtease me mercilessly if she’d guessed how nervous I was tonight.I’d been friends with her and Jerry for a couple of years now, butshe’d be the first to confirm I didn’t have many overnightvisitors. Guys… well, it hadn’t been easy to have a relationship,not since I moved to London from my sleepy Dorset home town. Icouldn’t get a regular job for a long while, so I started the barwork, and found that suited me. Plenty of men came on to me there;I never had any problems attracting attention. But not many men hadthe patience for a boyfriend who worked such anti-social hours. Andsome of them got confused, and even irritated, that I was happy inhospitality—that I didn’t want to do anything important in thecity, or glamorous in the world of media. None of them seemed tofind anything more interesting in me than the sex. I mean, that wasgreat, anyway, and I had more than my fair share. But I couldn’tseem to keep a guy’s interest for long.

UntilCalder.

I bit back aninvoluntary shiver. Funny how I couldn’t remember the exact detailsof how we met. But within a couple of months, we were an item. Hewas a strong man, too. But, unlike with Dan, the feeling with himwas… disturbing? He never came here, of course. And once he’dstaked his claim, there wasn’t going to be anyone else I couldinvite, was there?

A cheap flat,Ricky… for a cheap guy. That’s all you’ve got. The sudden voice in my head jarred.

For the firsttime I properly tapped into the emotions underlying my excitement.Things didn’t feel as carefree as I’d hoped. What was going oninside my head? I swallowed some more beer, rather too quickly,just to clear my tightening throat.

Then Dan’sfree hand settled on my thigh and I smiled. My heartbeat started tospeed up. God, it seemed like that was all it took, just a touch. Asmile. Dan was far more than strong. I’d never known a man toaffect me like this—like I was happy to please him, to make himfeel good. Without him asking, and without it having to be ascene. Satisfying, withoutgiving up everything, you know? Easy. Mutual respect.

Not that youhave much to give, Ricky.

Dan just mademe feel good. Wasthat so bad, that it was the only way I could think of to describehim? He always talked to me, laughed at my jokes, asked me what Iwanted to do. Looked genuinely interested in what I thought. And hedidn’t push or bully; in fact, it worried me that he seemed scaredsometimes, of how I’d react to him. Like he was holding back. Whenhe really didn’tneed to. All I wanted was to be with him, learn more about him.Build something better with him.

God dammit. Iwondered briefly why I felt like an excited kid nowadays, so oftenbreathless, finding it difficult to express myself clearly.Especially to Dan.

Beside me,sitting on the bed, he breathed deeply. I felt response like a warmcaress run down my spine.

To be honest,I hadn’t expected him to come back to mine tonight. It was alwaysgood to see him in the bar but I knew it was no fun, just sittingthere while I worked, and so why should he bother to stay to theend of my shift? And after this morning… well, I wasn’t quite surewhat was going to happen tonight.

I’m notwaiting all night in this godforsaken drinking hole, Ricky. You’llgive it up anyway. For me. When I say so.

“You lookdifferent.” Dan peered at me, a half frown on his face.“Tense.”

I jumped.“Hey. No. Sorry. I’m just tired, it was busy in the bar tonight.How are Marianne and Jerry?”

“They’re good.” He smiled at me. At just me. I don’t think his mind wason the other guys at all.