Page 20 of The Tourist

You don’tunderstand at all! My despairing words to Dan rang in my memory.But the pain in my ribs was persistent and real; the sweat on mybrow wasn’t imagined. And the only face in my mind wasCalder.

Calder hit me. Calder hurtme.

I couldn’tshake off the agonising fear, and I stumbled to a stop. I knew Ihad to turn around now, before he caught me up. Better to know,right? Maybe it was a homeless man looking for a softer bed thanthe pavement; a kid out after his curfew, worried he’d be lockedout of home.

But it was asif my legs had frozen to the spot. I stood there, panting heavily,the footsteps coming closer behind me. The fear was inside my body.It should have been controlled by my brain, guided by mysenses.

But it was stronger than I was.It was nothing more than instinct and response and total, twistedterror. It had me paralysed. Helpless.

He did this tome. He destroyed my spirit.

Calder…

The footsteps paused.

Could be anyone.

But I knew it wasn’t.

I recognised the smell of hiscologne, the pattern of his breath when he exerted himself. Whetherit was a workout at the gym, a brisk walk or… time with me.

I could tastevomit in my throat.

This had tostop. I’d told him so. It was all over—I didn’t want anything to dowith him now. Then I could begin to steady myself again, to erasethis ridiculous fear. Dan would help me. I’d tell Dan at last whathad been going on. He deserved the whole truth.

Yes. Dan.

I started to turn around.

***

My touristself put all its energy into that positive feeling, to givecredence to Ricky’s resistance. I could remember Dan so clearly,what he meant to me, what he really thought of me. Amazing, that Icould blend the two men, but perfect for finding the strength toface this. Dan was the one I wanted; I knew that. And I was braverthan I thought. With Dan to help me…

The man behind Ricky coughed.Just once.

In thatmoment, I felt Ricky’s vulnerable mind collapse into tangledganglions of misery and surrender.

A broad hand brushed my cheek,curled around my neck.

I can’t.

I strained to remember Dan’sstrength—the love. Something sharp pressed into me, just under myear.

I had to pullthis back, I had to get Ricky away. It had worked before; I’dmanipulated the two of them. I let myself slip slowly out of Ricky,aiming for Dan. Reaching, stretching, my connection an elasticthread into…

Nowhere.

Ricky sighed softly.

I needed tojump completely, and soon! Ricky’s mind was clouding over, hislimbs weakening. I didn’t know if he’d been hit, or was passingout, or… worse. I couldn’t allow myself to get caught up in that.In limbo.

I strained tojump. Dan wasn’t far away, he mustn’t be! I could remember Dan andhow he’d felt, steady and strong. Caring. The way he’d told Ricky Ilove you…

I grippedeverything close to me, concentrated, struggled. So little time,with nothing but panic to guide me.

Confusion. Anguish. Anger.

A leap into nothingness.