Page 16 of The Tourist

It didn’t makefor stable liaisons, you know?

I stayed inthe area, as well. Seemed I returned after choking to death—or wokeup, or whatever you’d call it—in the same part of London. Weird,but no weirder than all the rest of it. The pub was always there,though I saw it through many changes of landlord and more than afew renovations, and new bars and buildings sprang up around it,all the time. One of those was Matty’s, where Ricky worked. It hadbecome a hub for people passing through, moving in, visiting thefashionable harbour area. There was plenty of choice of hostwithout ever moving far from my virtual doorstep.

And it wasimportant I found my path, wasn’t it? The one that suitedme.

But what Ilearned from it all was that sometimes you did get second chances. Albeit withconditions. I was living again, in another way, through other men.Never expected or asked for it, you know? Didn’t know where I wentwhen I croaked, or how or why I’d earned this newopportunity.

But at theback of my mind, I was really glad I’d helped Freddyescape.

CHAPTER 9

Dan came back,less than a half hour later.

He knocked atmy door and we stood for a moment, semi-smiling, semi-wary towardseach other, Then, of course, I let him in and he followed me backinto the kitchen.

“Sorry. Justneeded to cool off. You know?” His hands landed on my shoulder andhe dipped his head to kiss me, but I didn’t reach back for him, andmy lips were dry against his moist ones. “Tell me what’sup.”

“Nothing.” I sounded odd. I felt awkward in my skin, angry andfrightened, all at the same time. I neededto get a hold of things.

You need tobe steady.

Where had thatthought come from? It was fierce, likesomeone else’s pressure on my mind. Not the inner voice likebefore, not mocking, not cruel. It sounded like me, yet wasmotivated in a way I barely recognised.

Dan must havesensed my distraction because he’d kept the kiss gentle. “Sorry ifI was presuming. It was just an idea. The weekend. Something funfor us, something different.” His jaw looked tight as if speakingwas hurting him, scaring him. I didn’t like to think of Dan beingscared of anything. “I understand you have other things todo.”

“You don’t understand at all.” I barely recognised my voice. Itwas hoarse, as if I’d been shouting. My throat was dry and I couldfeel my heartbeat thudding, high up in my chest. What did he think?That I had guys queuing up for my company? Even if I did, thatwasn’t what I wanted. Not what I really deserved.

Well, therewas a striking thought.

“So, tell me,Ricky.”

Tellhim. He’llunderstand. He’ll help you.The urgency—the need—to confide in Dan was strong,and I knew I should listen to it. But I was weak.

He told meso.

“It’snothing,” I repeated.

Dan frowned.“You’re damned jumpy.”

I pulled away,trying to look as if I was just settling against the counter. “Youjust… came up on me from behind.”

One of hishands remained on my shoulder. His gaze was fixed on me. “Youdidn’t mind that in the shower this morning.”

I started tosmile, then bit it back. “No, I didn’t. That was good.” Damnedgood. Maybe just that moment of hesitation, then I’d realised itwas Dan, of course. Not… anyone else.

His fingerstightened on my shirt. “But you’re right, there is still something I don’tunderstand. Is it to do with Calder?”

Dan’s thoughtswere suddenly, frightening clear in my own mind, yet tangled inwith my own, a mess of hurt and anger and confusion.God. How could thishappen, that I could link with two minds at a time? “Dan, how manytimes do I have to tell you? That’s over.”

“It’s not meyou have to tell.”

I turnedslowly to face him, trying to keep my expression clear. “I won’tanswer his calls. I’ll get someone else to go pick up my stuff. Isthat enough for you?”

Was my voicetoo loud? Dan was staring at me. “What did he do toyou?”

I tensedagain. “What the fuck?”

“I’m notstupid. What did Calder do to you? When the phone rings… youjump.”