Page 54 of Dark Notes, Volume Two

My phone rings as I merge onto the highway, and because I’m stupid, I assume it’s Jett and immediately answer before checking the display.

“Hello?” I answer.

The computer voice on the other end says, “You have a collect call from the Baltimore Detention Center.”

I hang up before I can hear his voice, the one that fucking haunts me and also tells me once again, he’s gotten my number. The panic seizes me, my heart pounding in my eardrums, and somehow I end up on the wrong lane of the freeway with a semi truck barreling at me. I can’t think and then it’s too late. I’m not sure what’s louder, my screaming or the sound of crunching metal as my tiny car goes flying to the other side of the roadway.

Glass. I’m covered in glass. That’s not the worst of it though. My vision is gone and that only increases the panic as voices sound around me. And then there’s silence followed by the dark turning bright. I look to the light but quickly look away.

“No, I’m not ready. I can’t leave Jett. Please don’t make me go.”

If there’s a God, I hope he hears me because our story cannot end this way.

22

Chapter Thirty-Nine

JETT

Spending the evening with Mia last night made it even harder to be here, and it was no fucking picnic to begin with. When I hear my name over the loudspeaker, I’m confused as I glance down at today’s schedule. We don’t have group for three hours, and I have therapy later tonight. I know I’m not late for something, so why am I being summoned to the therapy room?

Feeling slightly annoyed, I get up and walk to where Geoff, most likely, has beckoned me. I open the door and am slightly surprised when I see not only my therapist, but Jagger. Why the hell is he here? This is not a visitation day, and he knows all my visits are for Mia since we get a limited number of them.

“Have a seat, Jett,” Geoff says with a weird fucking expression on his face. I wonder momentarily if this is about me fucking my Angel on the property, but then dismiss it because Jagger wouldn’t be here for that.

I sit down and instead of sitting behind his desk, Geoff pulls up a chair beside the other one, and he and Jagger both take a seat. The pit in my stomach continues to grow as Geoff clears his throat. He looks fucking nervous.

“Jagger has something to discuss with you, Jett, and I need you to remain calm.”

I turn my attention to my best friend, but I’m already coming unglued.

“Fucking spit it out before I have a goddamn heart attack.”

He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly.

“Mia was in an accident last night after she left here. She never made it home.”

The thundering is loud in my ears as my chest becomes tighter than a drum. I don’t ask if she’s okay because if she were he would’ve led with that.

I stop breathing.

I hunch over in gut-wrenching pain.

Someone is screaming in pure agony.

Then I realize it’s me.

Jagger gets up and takes me into his arms like he used to when I was a kid. My face is drenched in tears as the realization hits me. I am going to use again, and this time, it’s going to be such a massive quantity that there will be zero chance of ever waking up again because that’s my choice. If it’s between living without her or dying, my decision is made.

“I’d like to be discharged. Immediately.” I say through broken sobs. The sound of my own voice is unrecognizable.

“Why?” Geoff asks, as if he doesn’t fucking know.

“So I can go use enough fucking heroin to kill a goddamn gorilla. I’m not living without her. You can discharge me, or I’ll just walk out. Your fucking choice.”

Jagger rubs his temples as he rises to his full height.

“She isn’t dead, okay? Stay here and get well, if not for yourself, do it for her. It’s what she’d want.”