Page 50 of Dark Notes, Volume Two

At least you can walk away

For me, there is no escape

Trapped inside the spiral

Lost in the darkness of it all

One more hit until I fall

A tragic storm of my own making

My life is ripe, ready for the taking

Only death remains

You can’t save me

I can’t fucking save myself

Inside the spiral

The tornado swirls violently

Back away

You’ll only be a casualty

Inside the spiral

Death is coming

For you, for me, for fucking everything

Chapter Thirty-Six

JETT

Journal Entry

August 1, 2026

I refused to write in this journal for three days. Geoff said I was self-sabotaging, and that I was hurting myself by not ‘doing the work.’ So here we go.

My mother couldn’t live a life without a man so when she met my step-father, she held on for dear life. It didn’t matter how many times he beat us. When I was eight, he dropped me off in the middle of nowhere. I went to foster care for a year after a pleasant couple found me, broken, bruised, and literally starving to death and dehydrated.

Steven didn’t want me back, but for some fucked up reason my mother did. So she petitioned the court and somehow I ended up in their home. Steven, her piece of shit husband didn’t want me around and he made that quite evident. To this day, I don’t know why he hated me so much, but he did. Jagger’s mom called CPS when I was ten after she saw the bruises on my cheek. Off to foster care again. Another year's stint with the Hamiltons. Daddy Hamilton, as we had to call him, jerked me off every fucking night for a year.

Then I ended up back with my mom and Steven. When he overheard me confiding in my mother about what Hamilton did to me, his business idea was born. He’s a real fucking entrepreneur. In her defense, she didn’t want to agree to it, but she didn’t want to lose him, and when he proposed, the deal was fucking done.

They invited people to the house every weekend. My mom called them Swingers Parties but that’s not what they were. They were running a goddamn pedophile ring and I was the star attraction.

For five fucking years, every weekend, I sucked, fucked, got sucked and got fucked by anyone willing to pay the price to Steven. When I was sixteen, I had enough, and Jagger snuck me into his garage. That’s when we found out, he beat my mom to a bloody pulp.

Determined to end the violence, I bought a gun, and went home. They were fighting as usual so I aimed the gun at him. It all happened faster than I could process but a second before I pulled the trigger, he moved my mom in front of him. I killed my own mother.

Later that night when I was offered heroin, I accepted, grateful to have something to numb the pain.

The addiction was potent and nearly instant. I spent twenty years chasing the elusive high I’d never get. It’s never like the first time.