Page 38 of Dark Notes, Volume Two

I watch their interaction, keeping to myself because I don’t really get a vote here. It’s a fight to not ask the question burning inside my brain because this is Jett’s life at risk. I know Jagger would never do anything to hurt him, but this is terrifying. What if something goes wrong and it does end up killing him?

”Mia,” Jagger says, “Do you have any questions? Anything to say?”

Taking a deep breath, I voice my concerns.

”I don’t understand, I guess. If it’s not going to help him with cravings, won’t he just relapse almost immediately? Maybe I just don’t know enough about it, but it seems kind of pointless, unless I’m missing something.”

The doctor arches an eyebrow and nods.

”Addiction is difficult to treat. You’re right, he may use again immediately. Ultimately, that’s only a decision Jett can make. Days 1-3 are the worst of the physical withdrawal. Day three is excruciating for many addicts, sometimes deadly without medical assistance. I am hoping once we get him to that point he may see things more clearly. For someone addicted to heroin the fear of being without their drug of choice is so paralyzing they never get to day one, let alone three.”

Jagger speaks up while McKinley stays clutched against his side.

”Jett has never tried to get clean. I hear what you’re saying Mia. Your concerns are valid, but doing nothing sure isn’t working. If there’s anything I can do to encourage it, I’m going to. Right or wrong. I’m losing my brother, and I can’t live with that.”

I nod and sit back down because I don’t disagree with him although I’m still unsure that this will have the desired effect. Jake speaks up after having a quiet conversation with Hendrix.

“He wrote DNR on his wrist. Is that something you’ll pay attention to if he has a heart attack?”

“No,” the doctor quickly assures him, “That is not a properly documented DNR order. It requires a form signed by both the patient and the doctor. I have not had the opportunity to speak with Jett about this, so I’ll ignore it. I have no way of knowing what it means or who wrote it.”

Jagger nods his head and I can tell he’s firm on his decision.

“Let's do it then. Can Mia see him?”

The doctor looks over to me, I guess assuming that’s my name.

“Who are you to Jett?”

“Nobody,” I say as my chest squeezes with a mixture of pain and regret.

Jagger speaks up, “His girlfriend, but he fucked that up.”

“Follow me,” the doctor says to me before turning to Jagger, “I’ll have the nurse come in with the consent forms.”

As we walk down the hallway, he warns me, “He’s sedated, but you can talk to him while I issue orders for a transfer. He’ll be admitted, and we will start the process soon.”

We walk into Jett’s room, and he still looks so pale. I approach his bed, and his limbs twitch like before. Not constantly, but enough that it’s uncomfortable to witness. I run my fingers over the three letters he drew on himself. ‘DNR’ and it makes me angry. Maybe I don’t have the right to it like Jagger does, but it hurts that Jett would just give up. It reminds me all too much of what we went through with McKinley when she attempted suicide. I suppose Jagger must be going through what I did although she was never on drugs.

I walk to his bed, grabbing his hand that is held in a restraint. His body is warm, blood pumping through his veins. His heart is beating in the pulse of his wrist. He’s alive and that is a gift considering what could have happened. I want more time with him. “You have to fight, Jett. Don’t just give up on life. Get clean and take the control back. I’d love to know what you’re like sober. We never stood a chance, you and I. Not with the drugs involved. I want to know you, the real you. I wish you’d let me.” I say as I choke back a sob, terrified that he’s going to die in this hospital bed.

I let go of his hand, gently rubbing his fingers as I withdraw our contact. I kiss him on the cheek when I hear footsteps behind me and figure my time is up. I turn to see ‌the doctor and a nurse.

“Thank you.”

He smiles softly.

“You’re welcome. He will be out for three days, as I mentioned before. During that time, he cannot have visitors. I’ve been treating Jett for a long time, and I’m sincerely hoping this is the beginning of a sober life for him. Jagger has brochures of different facility options, but of course, it’s Jett’s call.”

I go to leave but turn back to Jett for one last look. While I understand why they’re doing this, I am afraid I’ll never see him alive again. How much damage has been done to his heart from the drug use? What if it can’t withstand this?

Sighing audibly, I swipe the tears falling down my cheeks and head back to the waiting room. I already know these will be the longest, most agonizing three days of my life.

13

Chapter Twenty-Two

MIA