Page 64 of The Honor Society

I’m numb.

Edward’s blood is still actually on Axel’s hands or gloves as he drives the car back to his little bat lair and pulls into the garage. He hasn’t said a word.

To be fair, I haven’t either.

And I’m a woman who talks, I just don’t know what to say.

But I know what I think.

He’s been carrying two versions of himself along with this secret for way too long. No wonder he felt like he needed to choose the only version of himself that could carry the weight of the world on his shoulders and keep those he loves safe while also giving justice to those who died putting him in this position.

In the end, is that even really a choice? Or is it a sentence you can’t say no to? I’m still pissed but at least now, my understanding is greater.

“Why?” I ask once we’re safely back in the living room and he’s taking off his jacket.

He looks over his shoulder. Mask still in place. “You’re going to have to be more specific Charlie, and I’ve used a lot of words today so make it fast.”

“Always with the word allotment.” I say under my breath before I can stop myself.

He freezes. “What. Did you just say?”

The room goes still. I barely breathe. And then the full wrath of The Proctor faces me. He flicks open his knife still warm from Edward's blood and charges me, not in a I’m going to chase you sort of way but in a way that had me so scared my scream gets caught in my throat as he slams me against the wall nearest and holds the knife to my neck. “Stop!”

He tilts his head. “How long.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” I lie.

He sneers. “You’re the worst liar on the planet Charlie, it’s one of the things I love most about you, your honesty when you should be lying like everyone fucking else.” The knife is going to break skin any minute. “I’ll ask one more time. How long?”

“Last night.” I barely get the words out. “I saw your reflection in the phone.”

“Fuck. You!” He roars. “Is this what you wanted? Hmm? For me to have no choice but to kill you? To have your blood on my hands because you couldn’t be bothered to follow one fucking rule!”

“Axel—”

“Axel is fucking dead, Charlie! He’s dead. He’s not coming back!”

“Bullshit!” I shove what strength I have against his chest. “He’s everywhere. You’re everywhere! You’re not just The Proctor! The Proctor wouldn’t give me steak.”

“Charlie—”

“—He wouldn’t have a nightlight in his room and leave it there because he knows I hate the dark.”

“Stop!”

“He wouldn’t protect me and Jude and Lilah at all costs—mainly to his own life. He wouldn’t send Lilah to a celibate Chancellor. He wouldn’t⁠—”

“—Please.” He begs. “Stop.”

“I’ll never stop reminding you who you are! Nobody forced you to choose but you! You are both men! What’s so bad about being a monster when the situation calls for it, what’s so bad about cooking dinner when it’s the most humane thing you can do? You. Are. Both.”

He pulls me by my shirt and shoves me onto the couch. “Understand this. I will not hesitate to kill you if you say one word to anyone about my identity.”

I look up at his masked face then down at the knife between us. “Yes you will.” I exhale. “Hesitate, that is.”

“Try me.”

“You already have.” I glare. “Fine, you want me scared of you? Consider me scared. You killed my biological father in front of me in cold blood.”