Page 40 of The Rancher’s One and Only

“Self-defense?”

“Yes. Because it puts you in control of your body. Of your feelings. And I think you wouldn’t feel so afraid of different things if you walked around knowing that you could defend yourself if you had to.”

“Well… I mean… That would be nice.”

“I can teach you. A little bit of self-defense.”

“Oh. I… I think I would like that.”

“I think it would be good. I can give you some basics. It’s not just about being able to mess somebody up, though. It’s learning how to move your body.”

“And you think that would…”

“I think it would make you more confident.”

She was, in so many ways, quite confident. But now that he’d seen this deep streak of insecurity, this lack of trusting herself, he felt wildly protective of her. He wanted to fix it.

He wanted that more than anything.

“You’re not digging tomorrow, are you?”

“I might, a little in the morning.”

“Well, after that, you have a little time for a sparring lesson.”

“I guess I would.”

“Great. Let’s have a sparring lesson.”

“I… Thank you. That’s so… It’s very nice of you. That’s very… I don’t really have any friends who are into the exact same things as I am.”

Friends. All he had were Dakota and Rowdy. He liked Jessica pretty well. Ernestine moving him into the category of friend this quickly was flattering in its way. And unearned, he felt in many ways, but it was just so damned sweet he couldn’t resent it. Couldn’t correct her.

As was her following offer. “I have a telescope. Would you like to come to my cabin after dinner and do a little bit of stargazing with me?”

He could only stare at her. “Why?”

“You’ve done so much for me. And I just want… I want to give you something back.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Well. I want to. I know a lot about stars.”

“Okay, Ernestine. You can show me the stars.”

“Oh good.”

She seemed entirely pleased with that, and he could feel her satisfaction radiating off of her for the rest of the ride. When they got back to the barn, he helped her get the tack off the horse, and then sent her on her way. He couldn’t say that he’d ever… He had never met anyone like her. And the gnawing ache in his stomach was something else entirely too. This desire to protect her and put his hands on her.

She was very pretty. He didn’t realize just how great her figure was, because it had been covered up by that Jurassic Park outfit of hers. But it was perfect. Her curves were generous, her hips and thighs thick, which he liked a lot. He enjoyed having something to grab on to.

Lord. He needed to pull it together. Ernestine didn’t exist to be a personal fantasy to him. All he would ever be able to offer a woman was physical stuff. He was never going to be able to have an emotional relationship. He didn’t want one. The very idea of being back in a classic nuclear family set his teeth on edge. His father had killed his concept of family the day he killed his mother. Even before that, he’d lived in a house full of pain and violence. And he was never going to let go of that. He was never going to be able to look at that sort of life as something to aspire to. Something happy.

Of course, Ernestine didn’t seem to have a strong relationship to her family either. Nor had she ever expressed any longing for something that even looked like a traditional family. He was projecting that on to her because she was so sweet. Because there was something charming and lovely about her demeanor that he associated with traditional sorts of girls.

She wanted to look at the stars with him.

And she was a virgin. That was the thing he had to remember. He wasn’t built for virgins. He was too hard. He was too…damaged.