Page 43 of Blissful Devotion

He looks rough: his eyes are bloodshot, face unshaven, and I’m almost positive he’s hungover, but he looks fresh out of the shower with a cup of coffee in his hand instead of a bottle of alcohol, so that’s something, at least.

“Look who finally pulled his head out of his ass,” Jade says, her words harsh but somehow still teasing in a way that I realize now is just how Jade is. She doesn’t mince words and has no problem telling you how it is but also seems to understand Alex better than anyone here.

Well, almost anyone. Kratos seems to get it too, and while I’m curious about all of their stories, I’m not sure that’s something you can ask about.

So I don’t.

“I was going through some shit,” he says with a shrug as he moves toward the table as if he wasn’t just nearly drinking himself into an early grave just yesterday. “I’m good now.”

My eyes bounce from Alex to Jade and back again, and I see the way she looks him over as if trying to judge if she really believes that or not.

“We’re all going through shit, Kat included. You’ll do well to remember that.”

His nostrils flare, and his jaw clenches, but he nods regardless. She hit him right where it hurts, but I know he needs to hear it. I’m not exactly sure how old Jade is. I’d assume she's around my age, maybe a little older, but the look she gives Alex has me wondering if she just looks young. I’m not sure I’ve even seen him cower to anyone.

“Someone want to fill me in on what we're doing?”

Trent quickly grabs a box and starts to explain as we fall back into what we were doing. Father tops off his coffee while we turn our attention back to the one thing more important than any of us.

Kat.

Iwake slowly, feeling as if something is scratching at my subconscious, just out of reach.

A dream?

Did I have an appointment to see the doctor today?

Whatever it is, it must not be that important.

For the first time in a while, I feel refreshed, or as refreshed as ‌one can be while growing a tiny human.

I drop my hand to the growing bump that is my stomach and marvel at it. I’m creating life.

I lie in ‌bed for a while, rubbing my stomach and just enjoying the moment before I feel the strangest sensation.

It’s a flutter, there and gone the next moment, and at first I’m not sure I hadn’t imagined it.

Maybe I’m just hungry.

Can you feel your stomach rumble from the outside? I’ve never tested it, so I’m not sure.

I’ve almost convinced myself it's just hunger when it happens again, and I freeze.

This time it’s much more solid, and I’m positive of what it is now.

My little one is kicking.

It happens a few more times, and I can’t stop the tears that roll down my cheeks as I watch in awe. I’ve never felt a love like this, so consuming that I feel as if I’d been missing something before now.

When it stops, I force myself to sit up, still not moving my hand.

“Mama loves you, little one.” I’m not sure when babies can start hearing, but something about talking to them feels so right.

I make a mental note to ask the doctor at my next appointment.

When is that again? I’ll have to ask Lorenzo.

My head feels foggy and off, like someone stuffed cotton in it, and for a second I worry that maybe I overslept.