Page 39 of Blissful Devotion

Maybe I should have pushed harder, made him see someone about it, but the time for should-haves is over, and this isn’t acceptable.

Kat deserves more from him, from all of us.

“You don’t love her at all.” The words come out before I can think them through and really consider his current state.

This is probably the worst time to confront him, but it's too late now. I can’t take it back, and I’m not sure I would even if I could.

“What?” His head snaps up, his eyes meeting mine a little clearer, as if my words might have smacked some sense into him.

I push the door open and step into his room, forcing him to stumble back. ‌I hold his gaze, unable to look away as I grow angrier by the second. He only makes it two steps before he falls on his ass, like the drunken fool he is right now. I don’t even try to keep the disgust from my face.

“How dare you claim to love her when this…” I sweep my arm out in a gesture to his room, which is littered with bottles and cigarette butts. “...is how you're spending your time.” I don’t even attempt to keep my voice even, letting my disgust leak into every word.

Even drunk, I see his eyes flare.

Good, get mad.

“Don’t tell me how I feel, boy,” he spits, attempting to push to his feet and failing miserably. He eventually succeeds, but it takes all the fight out of him. “You have no idea what I went through. What he did.” Even slurred, the pain in his words is impossible to miss.

Some of the anger bleeds out of me because he’s right. But I do know one thing.

“No, I don’t,” I swallow past the lump clogging my throat, even as I think the next words. “but Kat might...” It feels like an invisible hand closes around my throat as I force them out, hating how true they might be.

I see the horror wash over him as his knees give out, and he crashes back down to the floor. This time, he makes no move to stand or even look at me.

“You should be down there with us, doing everything you can to get her back because you know better than any of us what she could be dealing with right now.” My voice cracks, giving way to emotions I’ve tried to push away so I can focus on finding her, on getting her back to us where she belongs.

We’re getting closer every day, but there's no telling what she’s going through.

If she’ll even be…

No!

“If you loved her like you claim, you wouldn’t have just let her go without a fight. The rest of us are fighting, but you’ve given up. You'd rather drink yourself into an early grave and hide away in your room while she suffers through God only knows what. Alone.” I scoff, pushing away the tear that rolls down my cheek as I’m forced to face the horrors my imagination cooks up from my own words.

Unfortunately for me, I have a very good imagination.

“But she’s not alone, is she?” The thought of her broken and afraid was bad enough, but the reality is so much worse that I stop, trembling just at the thought. I’d intended to push further, but the words catch in my throat, which is probably for the best.

They’ll haunt me as is.

Does she think we abandoned her?

Fuck, I hope not.

I’ll never give up on her. I can’t now; I’m not sure I ever really could.

I turn and leave, unable to stand here doing nothing. Leaving him on the floor to figure out what he wants to do, the kind of man he wants to be. I have more important things to do; someone else‌ needs my time much more than he does.

The days pass in a blur; how long have I been here?

3 days? 5?

I’m not sure it matters, but somehow the idea that it’s been nearly a week makes my chest hurt.

It’s another morning, and while I managed to get some sleep last night, it didn't help me feel any better.

I’m exhausted. I’m not one hundred percent sure how long I’ve been here, but I feel like it couldn’t have been more than a couple of weeks. What if it takes months for them to find me?