Page 22 of Blissful Devotion

Nothing helpful.

The drawers are much the same, with some basic clothes, shirts, shorts, and sweatpants that I don’t bother giving more than a glance before I slam the drawer closed again with a growl of irritation.

The nightstand is bolted to the wall, the drawer empty and…

There’s nothing.

I wipe at the tear that runs down my face, startled for a moment because I didn’t even realize I’d started crying.

Fuck.

My back hits the window, and I slide down to sit on the floor, the air feeling thick as my tears blur my vision.

I pull my knees up and wrap my arms around my legs, letting my head rest on my knees as I mourn the life that could have been.

Thoughts of the guys and Addy, the future I’d pictured when I found out I was pregnant.

It’s all gone now, and I just hope they're okay, even if it is without me.

I’d never thought of myself as someone who needed someone else. But I'm not too proud to admit I need Kat; we all do.

I know that Jade and her guys are good; they got us Carter, but this is different. He was some random asshole ex-boyfriend who hid behind Mommy and Daddy’s money.

The guys who have Kat are professionals, people who know exactly what they’re doing and how to do it.

Fuck.

I can’t sleep.

Every time I close my eyes, my imagination runs wild, showing me visions of her mangled in the car accident or worse, being held by who the hell knows, as they do unspeakable things to her.

“You not sleeping doesn’t help her, you know.” I don’t even turn around to see Father as he walks into the kitchen; I don’t have the energy.

“You're one to talk.” His words are nice enough, but he’s a hypocrite; none of us are sleeping, and if we are, it's not much. I’ve managed to get a little here and there when I can’t fight it anymore, but only ever on her bed, where I can almost trick myself into believing she’s still here.

That it’s all just a bad dream.

“I’m your father. I'm supposed to look out for what's best for you. What I do is none of your concern.”

“Bullshit,” I spit as he walks past me toward the coffeemaker. “Let's see how Kat feels about that when she comes back.”

“Are you both trying to get your asses handed to you?” Vince asks as he also moves into the kitchen. I almost laugh because he's right; all that will do is make her mad at all of us.

“I’d gladly take an ass beating right now…” I swallow down the lump in my throat that I get whenever I try to talk about or even think about her…

The room is quiet as my words sink in, and I realize I should have kept my mouth shut.

The shrill ring of Vince’s phone startles me badly enough that I nearly fall off the stool. I turn to glare at him and give him shit about how loud it is, only to lose my train of thought when he opens his mouth.

“Tell me you found something.”

I can’t hear the response, but the way his eyes light up is all the answer I need.

We’re coming, Kat; we’ll always come for you.

Hours pass, and still I’m alone.

I cried until I had no tears left, then picked myself up and went into the bathroom.